Communication and Relationships

A major issue in relationships is communication. All ‘problems’ with relationships comes from communication problems.

Taking Back the Power of Words to Hurt

Published on by Jim

I saw an interview today on CNN’s website where Marc Lamont Hill were saying that we should allow a discussion of the “N-word”.  I find that attitude one of the most open minded I have heard in a long time.  Let me explain why.

I have realized that words do not hurt people; it is people’s reactions to words that cause them harm.  We, as citizens of our society, have been programmed to be reactive to words in such a way that causes us harm.  Once we become aware of this we can take responsibility for OUR behavior (our reaction) and re-train ourselves to not react with such hurtful behavior.

Yet, as long as we keep lying to ourselves (and one another) that it was the word that hurt us and it was the person who said the word who is responsible for our suffering, we will stay trapped in a cycle of abuse.

Words like nigger, faggot, failure, dike, sinner and others still have the power to move people emotionally in a way that they would rather not be moved.  The CONSCIOUS person recognizes this and takes responsibility for their part in this and learns to relax and stop reacting.

But what is the advantage of keeping people ignorant of the truth that will set them free of being offended by words?  Well, one is if you were an owner of slaves in the US south 200 years ago you would want your slaves to be moved emotionally by words so that you could use that to control their behavior.  It is easier to get them to hurt themselves with words then to have to hit them with a whip. Or if you were a racist today would you not want to be able to get someone of a different race to HURT THEMSELVES when you used certain words?  Or what about the parent that wants to intimidate their child with words like “bad”; without the child’s fear of that word you would lose some control over them.

These are only a few of the many examples of benefits of keeping intimidated by words.  What I am saying here is that there are many advantages to some people in society to keep people hurting when stimulated by words.

Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount was all about Blessedness.  One of the things he said was, “Blessed be those who do not take offense at me.”  Yet, many religious people of his time did take offense at him, which is why they killed him.  Jesus also said, “Take cheer, for I have overcome the world” which indicates to me that he was showing that you could not offend Jesus with your words (or actions).  And finally, he said, “I have come to bear witness to the truth.”  To me, this means that he was bearing witness to the fact that religious people have been conditioned to abuse themselves emotionally when stimulated by words (as a means of maintaining control of them).  Yet, if you followed Jesus’ way (not the Christian way) you would overcome the world and its ability to push your buttons and hence control or manipulate you emotionally just using words.

So it is my opinion and experience that by bring this discussion out into the open and talking about it, and putting responsibility where it is due, we can show people that it is possible to get free from ever being hurt by words again.

A lot of the pain some kids are experiencing today from ‘bullying’ is a product of their conditioned reactions to words.  If we teach children the old school yard rhyme, “Stick and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me,” we could end a lot of the bullying that now happens.

Of course, if we do this, those who benefit from people’s habitual emotional self-abusive behaviors will be up in arms about it, just like they were when Jesus was teaching this 2,000 years ago.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

Identification Ends Love

Published on by Jim

CNN Exclusive: One conservative’s dramatic reversal on gay marriage – CNN.com.

This story is a perfect example of how a person’s identification with someone or something has limited their love.  Before Sen. Portman realized that someone HE KNEW and loved was gay he was very anti gay marriage.  But as soon as he realized that someone he knew was gay and that sooner or later he would want the same things that the senator wanted, the senator opened his heart and changed his mind to support gay marriage.

If the senator had opened his heart to ALL BEINGS then he would have felt the same desire that he has within them, which is the desire to marry the person of his or her choice.

Sen. Portman identified with HIS family but could really care less with people of other families.  He opposed gay marriage because he did not care about the desires of people he did not identify with. His son’s coming out to him caused him to re-examine his ways of thinking and change his perspective.

To me, this is an example of the biblical concept of removing the heart of stone (the heart of the conservative) and replacing it with a heart of flesh (the heart of the liberal).  [Ezekiel 36:26]

We can see this same thing happening with former Vice-President Cheney, who discovered that his daughter was gay and she wanted to marry her girlfriend.  Because of this Cheney opened his heart and is now pro gay marriage just as Portman.

The point is that our habit of identifying with this or that person, including our own ‘self’ is part of the process of closing ourselves off to or limiting love.

By identify as Spirit one sees themselves as one with ALL beings and the heart become open and we can feel the pain and desires of all beings.  Being one with them you want for them what you want for your Self, which now includes them.

This is what Unconditional Love is and does, it opens you up to the pain and desires of all beings, not just your ‘loved ones’.

Unholy Beliefs

Published on by Jim

I am sure that many people have discovered that their beliefs and other ways of thinking are causing most if not all their problems.  Yet do we know which beliefs we have that we do not even realize we are being limited by?

I started out this post wanting to write about other people’s belief that I see that are limiting them, but as I often do I looked back at myself first to see where I was blinded to something.  I am sure that the people who know me best will tell me that there are many beliefs that I have that are limiting me and they sometimes even tell me what they perceive them to be.

I am sure there are beliefs I have that limit me.  One question that comes to my mind is not IF I have limiting beliefs but does it matter to me if I have limiting beliefs.

The answer for me is both yes and no.  I do care about myself and the quality of my life, so I do want to know if I am limiting myself in some form or other.  Yet, I recognize that if I obsess about any beliefs that I have that might be limiting me, my obsession is itself limiting the quality of my life experience.

One thing I know is that I want to be open to hearing what anyone says that might be causing me some sort of trouble.  I wish more people cared enough about others, or at least me, to point out what they think is a limiting belief.  I can take what they say and use it any way that I want or I can disregard it completely, but if they do not at least offer it I do not have that option.

Which is why I do unto others as I would want them to do unto me: I offer my opinions and perspectives so that they can take it or leave it.

I do recognize that many if not most people will not want to hear what I have to offer, and that saddens me, for I offer it with love, kindness and caring.  Yet their hearts are not open to it.  I offer it none the less and that does not make me the most popular person in the world.  I accept this as the price I have to pay for being true to myself.

Is that an unholy/unhealthy belief in itself?  Would my life be better if I did not feel such a strong need to be true to myself or others?  If I was less honest with people would I not have more friends?  And would having more friends not add to the quality of my life?

Ok, so I can answer most of those questions because I have spent the time to really look at those questions and I no longer have doubts about them.

What is the point of this blog post?  We all have unholy/unhealthy or limiting beliefs, even we Buddhas and Christs.  Some of us are open to seeing that limiting beliefs and some of us see the advantage of having a team of people help us find them.  And then some of us are not open to seeing those limiting beliefs.  The latter will not appreciate me and I guess you can say that they are not of my ‘tribe’ or family.

I love feedback from people and I love to be around people who love to both give and receive feedback.

Loving Bullies

Published on by Jim

I love bullies, and that is why bullies have no power over me.

Bullies are people who have learned how to bully by being bullied; they are hurting too.  What they seem to want is for others to hurt as much as they are hurting, or to show them how to stop hurting.

A bully hurts others by words or violence, both to entice an emotional response out of the bullied that causes them to be afraid or in some way emotionally manipulated.

To overcome the power of the bully one practices positive emotions IN SPITE of what the bully is trying to create in you.

This is why I love bullies, for they force me to practice love.

Since I do not want to feel fear or be intimidated, I practice love when my normal conditioning or habit would be to react with fear or some other negative emotion.  This love drives out that feeling of fear or whatever negative emotion I might habitually react with. This practice is not easy at the beginning, but it gets easier.

When I remember that bullies are people who learned how to bully by being bullied I can feel compassion for the bully.  Compassion is an aspect of love, all of which feels good or at least better than the intimidation and fear that the bully seems to want us to feel.

It is the compassion that motivates me to demonstrate to the bully that it is possible to overcome the world and its ability to cause them emotional pain.

I am reminded of a line that Jesus is reported to have said, “What profit you to love those who love you, even the sinners can do that.  So much greater is the profit to love those who persecute you.”

In my experience, my skill or ability to love grows faster when I am challenged to love those who torment, judge or bully me in some way.  It really is easy to love your friends and loved one, anyone can do that.  But you gain so much more in your skill of loving by loving those who torment you.

AND, you are demonstrating to them the way out of their suffering, which in itself is an act of love.  When you no longer feel the pain of the words or mean behaviors because you are no longer reacting to them in a way that causes you pain, then you are demonstrating to them how they too can overcome the world.

The way to end bullying in the world is to first top bullying ourselves by our reactions to what life is offering.  The practice of happiness, joy, love and gratitude in spite of what life is offering is how we stop bullying ourselves.  In my experience, all spiritual traditions around the world and most psychological systems encourage people to practice these positive emotions.

Don’t worry, be happy.

There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.

The great commandment is to love…

Love one another…

All of these are encourage us to practice positive emotions.

Usually we think that emotions are something that happens to us, not something we have a choice in whether or not we experience.  But when a person endeavors to pursue and effort to developing their ability to feel any emotion at will, they will find that there is no greater gift they can give themselves or other than to make that effort.  Again, this is something that Jesus seemed to be talking about in his teachings but I also see it in the teaching of most great teachers.

We can overcome all bullying if we care enough about ourselves and others to make the effort.  Practicing joy and love in the presence of bullying is how we can get free from bullying and show the bully how they too can get free from those who bully them.

My Calling

Published on by Jim

My Calling is what I have to do and what I am not doing, or where I have to go…

Jesus is my model of sorts.  What he did that was so impressive was that he went and spoke his truth out there in the world.  He had the courage to be honest.  Moreover, this is not just the courage to write a book, make a video, or give lectures for people that want to hear what you have to say.

It is not WHAT you say but how it you say it or, better yet, WHERE it you say it.

It does take some courage to write things that will not be popular.  Yet, to go out into public places and speaking to the public, not people who came to hear me necessarily, but to those who do NOT want to hear me, like the conservative and religious people that Jesus did.  The conservative and religious people would judge him and criticism him and he would demonstrate his lack of fear of their judgment.  Jesus demonstrated that he had overcome that fear of the world’s judgment or the world’s ability to intimidate him with their words. He was not afraid of them when they would say that he was a sinner or that he was Satan.

Jesus was out there speaking his truth; he was demonstrating the courage to be honest.

Courage is the manifestation of love.

Jesus was demonstrating the love, that courage.  That is why they call Jesus God; they say that God is love since Jesus was demonstrating love in his courage to be honest in spite of the hostilities of those who were listening.  Jesus was not intimidated by all these doctrines and theologies that were out there.  Jesus had seen that the judgments and criticisms meant nothing if one aligned within himself.

Demonstrating that courage is what I have to do.  I have done some but I have not consistently spoken out.  That is where I have failed, consistently to speak out in public places.  That is my calling.  To go out and speak my truth to people who do not want to hear it, who will judge me and criticize me and reject me.  People who will take the greatest offense at what I have to say.

I am not necessarily to talk to just individuals, who cannot handle the heat of the confrontation directly, but to crowds of people in public places.

That is my job, to go do this.  Until I have done this I have not done what I have to do.

Dealing with Rejection

Published on by Jim

Most people experience reject all the time in their lives.  The more we stick our neck out and reach out to others the more rejection we will experience.

People reject me all the time, and as always, it hurts, for I can feel the fear that motivates any rejection.  We only reject others because we are afraid of OURSELVES and how we might react around those others.

It is not as if I go around punching people in the nose or anything that would cause people to run and hide when I come around.  No, at best I only speak to them and they react to that in a way that causes them some discomfort, injury or harm, which they then blame on me.  Lots of people have problems with me, but today I recognize that THEY the one with the problem, not me.

I no longer blame myself for people who are hurting and blaming me for that hurt.  When someone rejects me in any way I recognize they are doing that because they are hurting and have been taught to lie to themselves about that hurt, which traps them in that hurt.  I also recognize that they are not mature enough yet to be a close friend of mine.

I still hurt for them, and that hurt motivates me all the more to work against the sickness that teaches them to hurt themselves and to lie to themselves about that cause of that hurt.

I find that compassion for those who are hurting (the one doing the rejecting in this case) relieves the pain of the rejection.  We are taught to take responsibility for other people’s behaviors or choices, like when they reject us.  Therefore, when we take that responsibility we think to ourselves that there must be something wrong with me if this person is rejecting me.

This, of course, is not true; it is just what we have been taught.

Practicing compassion for those who are hurting relieves our hurt.  It takes the attention off us and puts it where it really should be, on the one who has the problem. When I feel the pain that rejection causes and comes from I am reminded that I do not want to create that pain for others or myself so I do not reject anyone.

This does not mean that I accept every invitation or friendship; it just means that I do not find fault in the other that makes me not want to be around them.

Understanding

Published on by Jim

I have had a long-standing interest in understanding how this human instrument works.  This interest is not limited to the physical or medical functions but also the neurological, psychological, mental and emotional aspects of the human instrument.  My interest leads me to watch my body, my mind, my emotions, and myself as I go through life.  I particularly watch when I practice various spiritual disciplines or think various ways, to see the effect on the quality of life that these disciplines and ways of thinking have and WHY they produce those effects.

In my practice of watching myself and of watching others I have seen some very interesting aspects of human consciousness that when I try to share that with others I usually only get resistance.  Of course, this in itself interested me, for I wanted to know why there would be resistance to understanding ourselves.

I have seen that this resistance comes from the ego, a mechanism within the human instrument dedicated to survival of the human instrument.  It is imagined that if we understand ourselves then we will no longer treasure the human instrument as mysteriousness or ‘special’.  However, this is not true, for understanding only enhances the appreciation.  It is superstition that creates the fear of understanding.

Dangerous Pixels

Published on by Jim

Are people so stupid as to think that pixels on their computer screen can hurt them?  Really?  Do people really want to give their power and peace away to anyone who comes along and says something to them?  Really?

Pixels are defined as “A minute area of illumination on a display screen, one of many from which an image is composed.”

I am constantly getting people who seem so unconscious as to think that the arrangement of pixels on their computer screen is hurting them, and the one who arranged those pixels are their screen is the evil one who is abusing them.

Can people really be THAT stupid or unconscious?  Cannot people see that pixels do not hurt them, it is their reactions to those pixels can cause them harm?

I know many college educated people who actually think that pixels can harm them.  That is about as silly as thinking that their shadow can attack them and hurt them.

I am well aware that these people have just been programmed to brutalize themselves emotionally when stimulated by words.  This was to the advantage of the ruling classes, the parents, teachers, clergy, government, etc.  I was programmed the same way, but I noticed that I was my own worst enemy, I was the only one abusing me and I took responsibility for that behavior and worked to stop it.  Today, I feel free from that self-abusive behavior.

Part of that process of getting free from this programming is to be brutally honest with our self and admit the truth, that pixels (or words) cannot hurt us, it is our reactions that cause us harm.

All the spiritual traditions out there that I have studied are about teaching people how to relax around the thoughts that come into their mind.  Even psychotherapy is about this in its primitive way.  Meditation is the practice of just watching those thoughts and learning to let go of the reaction and relax around them.

Smart people seek out this training or discipline and they seek opportunities to practice.  Stupid people just blame the computer or the person who arranged pixels on their screen that they took offense at, or they end relationships blaming the other for pushing their buttons.

I am here to serve people, people who want to wake up, be empowered over their inner world and their inner peace.

I like the example of both the one called Buddha and the one called Christ who said and practiced that we should focus our attention on those who have ears to hear and let the dead bury the dead.  That means to serve those who actively want what I am offering and to let the others just go.

If someone wants to learn how to relax or meditate then I will teach them that, IF they ask.  I am here only to serve those who want to find that inner peace, peace WITH the world.  But, if they are seeking peace IN the world then it is best to get away from me, for I will only piss them off and expose the hell they create for themselves.

I admit that it is hard for me to stop caring about people who are obviously hurting, and that is what is required of me.  So at times, I will reach out to the hurting one, the one who in their confusion thinks that I am the one hurting them, and I will make an effort to awaken them from the nightmare they are imposing upon themselves by their beliefs.  However, if they just run away then that is OK by me, for I would rather spend my time on the living than on the dead (those dead unto themselves).

Jesus the Abuser

Published on by Jim

Jesus was a massive abuser and he was rightfully put to death for these sins, at least according to the people of his day.

In the culture of Jesus’ time, Judaic law had 613 documented “sins” from their scriptures.  One of those sins was called “Ona’as Devarim,” which is Hebrew meaning “words that hurt.”  It simply states that if you say something and anyone takes offense at it, it is YOUR sin.  It further states, “If your words hurt lots of people then this is a capital crime and you should be put to death.”

This wonderful ‘law’ came from Leviticus that has given us other wonderful gems of wisdom, such as we should kill people who work on Saturdays; we should kill people who are homosexuals; we should kill those who pray to a different God; we should kill people who blaspheme God,  among many others.

Jesus’ words ‘hurt’ many people, for many people took great offense at his words.  Jesus hurt people when he blasphemed God by calling himself one with God, for people took great offense at that.  Jesus hurt the scribes and Pharisees when he called them names, like hypocrite and blind guides.  Jesus abused people by advocating doctrines that were not approved by the ruling classes causing people to turn away from “sound doctrine” and be punished by the hierarchy of authority.

Jesus was rightfully put to death for his offensive behavior.

And, please, let us ignore the fact that theme of Jesus’ teachings, which pathetically made in the Sermon on the Mound, was the value of blessedness.  One of the beatitudes that Jesus talked about said “Blessed be those who do not take offense at me,” which puts the onus of responsibility back on the person who CHOOSES to take offense at Jesus or anyone else.  Let us forget this for it was not the doctrine of the day and Jesus, trying to show a more peaceful and blessed way, was only offending people by preaching something outside the accepted doctrine or the boxes in their mind, which only future upset them.

The true and “sound doctrine” was that people were to be ‘slaves and good servants to their masters’, to quote a famous law book that is worshipped even today.

YES, Jesus was a massive abuser and he was rightfully put to death for his hideous crimes.  And let all remember that if they are to emulate Jesus’ way, truth and life in any way that they too will be punished harshly.  Let us remind one another of that by caring around figures of Jesus being crucified on chains around our neck and by putting them in our sacred building.  Let us remind one another that your words DO hurt people and that you too will be harshly punished if you say anything that is outside of accepted and proper speech.

We would not want to upset the paradigm of those who take advantage of our innocence and ignorance and subtly stimulate our self abusive behavior so that they can intimidate, control and manipulate us to their own bidding.  Let us curse those who attempt to show us a way out of this subtle abuse, for they only want to disrupt the status quo, to change that which we can all see is working so perfectly well.

Yes, Jesus was an abuser and a petty tyrant who was rightfully tortured and put to death for his brutal sins.

If you are gullible enough to believe this then you deserve the hell you are creating for yourself.

 

Meditation in Conversation

Published on by Jim

It deeply saddens me to see people who have a habit of harming himself or herself or limiting the quality of their life experience.  This is only a product of habitual thoughts and not something we need to stay trapped in for the rest of our lives.

Somewhere along the way, I recognized that I could change my behavior or habitual reactions to what life was offering me.  For instance, I noticed that there were certain words or combination of words that if somebody said I had a habitual reaction of getting upset, offended or angry.  At first, it was hard for me to acknowledge it was MY habitual mental/emotional reaction causing the negative inner experience and that it was not the fault of the person who spoke the words.  Nevertheless, when I finally accepted that fact and took responsibility for my reactions, I started to find peace.  With the awareness and skill that gave me peace, I was then able to choose positive reactions to the same stimuli or words so that I could have a positive experience.

For instance, let us say that a child has drilled into them that when his parents, family or teachers said the word “bad,” as in “you were a bad boy” they were supposed to feel, well, bad.  At first, that bad feeling might have come from spanking, which causes physical pain and that pain became associated in the mind/brain with the word “bad”.  Therefore, from then on when somebody tells them they are being a “bad” person, they have a habit of reacting by contracting, fearfully anticipating pain.  The reaction of contraction itself was painful, or at least an uncomfortable experience.  Therefore, we have a negative emotional reaction to the word “bad”; people can observe that and use the habitual reaction to control behavior.  Hence, perfect programming…people can be conditioned to be controlled by mere words.

When I came to realization of this, I also realized that I could RE-program myself to have different reactions to those same words or stimuli.  Since I had realized that what I really wanted was to experience positive things like happiness, joy, love, peace and freedom, I could reprogram myself to respond to what people said to me in a way that enabled me to have those positive experiences.

I also have realized that human relationships make up the vast majority of experiences and relationships are primarily about communications with other people.  Just as my parents had communicated to me the “meaning” or the intended response of the word “bad,” so, too, there were an almost infinite number of words or behaviors that I was supposed to respond to in the usually prescribed manner.  But a lot of these usually prescribed reactions produced for me negative experience that I did not want to have.  So I developed a practice of reprogramming myself to have the type of reactions I wanted to have and not the type of reactions that others expected from me.

I call this practice Meditation in Conversation. Meditation is the practice of first learning to relax and not react around various stimuli, including thoughts. Second, meditation is the practice of positive response to those same stimuli, including thoughts. So Meditation in Conversation is the practice of learning to relax and not react around the stimuli of words or in conversation and second, it is the practice of responding with positive emotional experiences.

Meditation is a state of focused relaxation. Meditation in Conversation is the intentional effort to relax around the stimulation of words. When I am relaxed I find that I no longer feet a ‘need’ to react to what was being said. I become more tolerant and can allow people to express themselves even if it was only venting their frustrations.

Meditation in Conversation is developing the skill of respecting and loving our selves first; learning how NOT to abuse our selves when someone says something to us. Meditation in Conversation is about developing the skills of honesty and intimacy. Honesty only happens if we are not afraid of OUR response to what people say to us. When we no longer fear ourselves and our reactions to what people say to us, then we will have the courage to be honest both with ourselves and with those around us.

The skills that the practice of Meditation in Conversation gives me enable me to choose the quality of my life experience instead of being a victim of whatever was said or whatever life is offering me. I have become empowered to have the quality of life that I have always wanted. I have all the happiness, joy, love, peace and freedom that I want, regardless of and sometimes in spite of what life is offering me.

I developed this aphorism for myself to remind me of the true power that I always have: words cannot hurt me, only my reactions to words can do me harm. With this reminder I took my power back from all those who would either intentionally or unintentionally stimulate my habit of abusing myself emotionally around words.

I also developed a simple method to remind myself of how to get back to a place of inner peace and clarity how to go further, how to create a positive experience whenever my programmed habits caused a negative reaction to what life was offering. This method I call the Four S’s, which are Simplicity, Softness, Smile and Stillness.

Simplify: Start by reminding yourself of the simple truth of the aphorism that nothing anyone says can harm you, only your reactions can do you harm. Remember to be in the simple truth of the Present Moment and that thoughts of past and future are not real, they are only memories and imagination. Simplify your intention by recognizing that before you can be of service to other you must first be of service to yourself; before you can love another you must be able to love yourself—Self Love First. I have learned that if I am uptight, I am not being loving to myself so I cannot love another or be of service to them. NOW is the time to relax and let go, not tomorrow or when you have the time to meditate. NOW is all you will ever have so start NOW to let go.

Soften: Become aware of the tension in your body, mind and heart. To soften the body take deep, whole breaths and allow yourself to relax with each out breath, feeling the tension flow out of your body with the breath. Become aware of the tension in your face, head, neck, shoulders, back, arms, stomach, legs and so forth. With each out breath feel the body relaxing and letting go. To soften the mind, recognize that you really cannot KNOW anything and that whenever you know something you are creating hardness in your mind which manifests in the body. To soften the heart recognize that nothing that ever has happened or could happen on this puny speck of dust in the universe that we call Earth could ever be important; that all is meaningless and all importance is vanity and let it go. In this process you feel the softening of your entire body, mind and heart.

Smile: When you smile you are shining your light. Light enables you to see clearly what is really going on. Research has shown that smiling has multiple benefits: it relieves stress, boosts your immune system, changes your mood and helps you stay positive. Smiling is the practice of appreciation which leads to joy and eventually to love. We are naturally drawn to the experience of lightheartedness or just lightening up. Use the word Smile to remind yourself of this so that you can go back to this enlightened state of being.

Whatever is happening in this moment is your moment; this is your life so you might as well enjoy it. The more you can smile on your life’s moments, the more your life is filled with the light of appreciations, joy and love.

Our deepest motive in life is to appreciate, enjoy and love life. Awareness is to remember that nothing is more important than the quality and richness of joy and love. If we remember this, then we will remember to enjoy what life is offering us. Nothing is more important than the sense of appreciation, joy and love.
I have coined a term for this sense of appreciation. I call it “Yesness”. We want to experience the light so we lighten up, we become light hearted. To lighten up is to feel a sense of YESness about life and what we are experiencing. To smile is to recognize where we are habitually saying no, to release that negativity and say YES. When we are up tight, thinking and saying NO becomes a habit. By relaxing, thinking and feeling Yes, we begin to find the quality of life that we are looking for.

Stillness: There is a time for motion or effort and there is a time for stillness or effortlessness. No effort, no intentions, no will, no plans, no goals, just relaxing and being. With stillness comes clarity that allows us to perceive the truth that will set us free from all negativity. With stillness we can see through the illusions that create fear and negativity. It is in the peace and stillness that comes after letting go that gives us the clarity to perceive the perfect truth that will set us perfectly free. With stillness we can see the light of joy that will guide us on our next step in our life. When joy is your guiding light, then joy will always be your companion.

Stillness and rest is necessary for the human instrument to live. Without a balance of motion and stillness the quality of life will be lost.

Stillness produces clarity that in turn enables us to see the truth that sets us free to enjoy and love all that life has to offer. Stillness is the peace that enables us to relax into appreciation, joy and love.

Confidence comes in stillness. As you cultivate the skill of relaxing and not reacting to the stimuli that life is offering you gain confidence in your ability to deal with what life is offering. Stillness will enable you to not beat yourself up emotionally with a strong reaction around life’s challenges.

The skills that Meditation in Conservation gives you will enable you to be fully with ALL that life is offering and to be a full participant in society. Imagine being in a relationship where the other comes home after a hard day at work where they have been challenged by their boss and the traffic coming home was worse than usual. The first thing they do when they get into the house is to ‘vent’ from their day and start bitching or just complaining about whatever it is that first sets them off. Usually you would have gotten defensive or had some other negative reaction to their unhealthy or negative venting. But now, with the skills you have developed from Meditation in Conversation you catch yourself in your own reactions and you relax, let go, smile and just be still. You allow the venting because you can see that it can do you no harm and that the other needs to release all the pent up tension they have developed throughout the day. You might even encourage them to vent. And, after they have fully vented, you smile and give them an encouraging hug, telling them you love them.

The cycle has been broken. No longer are you reactive to what people say to you. Now you have the capacity to let go of your negative reactions and just allow what needs to be. Then you can come forth in life and offer your light of appreciation, joy and love. Life has become much more fulfilled and you are at peace with a beautiful and perfect world.

I would suggest that you open yourself up to ANY opportunity to practice this Meditation in Conversation. That would mean with family, friends, loved one, but also with those with whom you disagree or have hard feelings toward. I would go to extremist organizations and listen to their ranting and raving while practicing meditating and watching my responses. My next step was to go to meetings where I could engage with others and watch my reactions to their reactions of me (judgments, criticism and even rejection).

I recognized that we first have to get to equanimity for the clarity that it offers, and then our natural compassion for others will come out. The practice of Meditation in Conversation brings me to a place of inner peace and equanimity that I was looking for. I am sure that it will do the same for you.