Dealing with Rejection

Most people experience reject all the time in their lives.  The more we stick our neck out and reach out to others the more rejection we will experience.

People reject me all the time, and as always, it hurts, for I can feel the fear that motivates any rejection.  We only reject others because we are afraid of OURSELVES and how we might react around those others.

It is not as if I go around punching people in the nose or anything that would cause people to run and hide when I come around.  No, at best I only speak to them and they react to that in a way that causes them some discomfort, injury or harm, which they then blame on me.  Lots of people have problems with me, but today I recognize that THEY the one with the problem, not me.

I no longer blame myself for people who are hurting and blaming me for that hurt.  When someone rejects me in any way I recognize they are doing that because they are hurting and have been taught to lie to themselves about that hurt, which traps them in that hurt.  I also recognize that they are not mature enough yet to be a close friend of mine.

I still hurt for them, and that hurt motivates me all the more to work against the sickness that teaches them to hurt themselves and to lie to themselves about that cause of that hurt.

I find that compassion for those who are hurting (the one doing the rejecting in this case) relieves the pain of the rejection.  We are taught to take responsibility for other people’s behaviors or choices, like when they reject us.  Therefore, when we take that responsibility we think to ourselves that there must be something wrong with me if this person is rejecting me.

This, of course, is not true; it is just what we have been taught.

Practicing compassion for those who are hurting relieves our hurt.  It takes the attention off us and puts it where it really should be, on the one who has the problem. When I feel the pain that rejection causes and comes from I am reminded that I do not want to create that pain for others or myself so I do not reject anyone.

This does not mean that I accept every invitation or friendship; it just means that I do not find fault in the other that makes me not want to be around them.

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