My Fear of Commitment?

I have a Fear of Commitment. No doubt about that, I cannot follow through on just about anything. I have ideas galore but I do not follow though on any of them. Many a time I have what I thought was a good idea, even a great idea, but I have learned to sit with these ideas and watch them gestate to see what happens with them. To date not a one has really survived long enough to even be born, let alone grow to maturity. A couple of years ago I had the idea to write my story, and I did spend the whole summer working on that, but I do no have any desire to edit it and get it published. So I just published the unedited version on my website and let it go at that.

I could say this is a failure to focus my mind, to block out the distractions. Even writing this blog post could be considered a distraction. But then again creating a blog was one of my good ideas. I wanted to share my insight with others, or at least make it available to the world should anybody actually care what my insights are.

This, of course, makes me no different than a million other bloggers or people wanting to share or even vent.

So I am wondering, is it fear of commitment or is it a lack of ability to focus or what? Maybe I am just lazy. Maybe I am not motivated to continue with any of my ideas because I really do not hurt enough or care enough to get me off my lazy and cowardly butt.

I do feel I have a deep commitment in concept but not in form. I am committed to waking people up but I do not have a form I like for that process. I love to confront people. I have to admit that I really do enjoy pissing people off, upsetting them, upsetting their slumber, waking them up. But how to do this consistently is the problem I have.

My latest idea is to walk around town with a video camera and engage people while filming the confrontation. That, I think, might make for interesting video.

I am sure that some people who read that last paragraph would be appalled at the thought of what I proposed of doing, but those are the ones I would say are asleep. Those who are awake would love it.

Anyway, again, I have to watch and see if this idea really manifests or will I just chicken out or get distracted and nothing will come of it. Is it fear or laziness? I do not know.

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