I Killed Myself

Dead, gone and forgotten. My "self" is dead. I no longer have to defend it. I no longer have to worry if it is going to heaven or hell or what karma or sin it has or if it will reincarnate into a bat. It is dead, I killed it.

Boy, what a difference a dead self makes. Of course, it does not mean that there is not worry for this piece of carcass known as Jim, but the carcass is just a tool, a vehicle, a toy to be played with until it is worn out then thrown away. "I" don't have to worry about it anymore because "I" am dead.
You might ask, "How did you kill yourself if you are still here?" Well, “I” am not here, the body is. “I” am dead. At least the part of Jim that thinks of himself as a body or a separate being with beginning and end.

I killed myself by looking for the self. Eventually I saw that the self is just a thought, an electro-magnetic impulse traveling around the brain/body mechanism. When I fully let go of focusing on anything, particularly the sensations in the body/brain, then the instrument relaxed, let go and stop creating any more impulses, including the impulse known as ‘self’.

Or course, acknowledging that this happened was another impulse which brought back the original impulse of self. BUT, the power of the idea or thought known as self had been broken and has diminished ever since.

It is wonderful being free from the grip that my ‘self’ had on me. No longer is there worry about ‘my’ career. Karma and sin have no meaning. Since “I” am no longer important then ‘my’ world is no longer important. Hell, I can now see that nothing in the manifested universe is important so why worry about anything. It is all here just for the fun of it. All is meaningless (unless I want to play with meaning and create meaning for it). All is vanity.

Even writing this is vanity, but it is also a lot of fun.
Now I am free to enjoy and love ALL that life has to offer.
Yet, habits die hard and the habit of thinking about my ‘self’ is strong. Sometimes there is forgetting that the self is not real and I go back to worrying about it. Usually I wake back up by myself but sometimes it take a true friend, one who really cares about me, to stun me back awake by confronting my silly idea that I am real or important or that I matter or that anything I could ever do mattered or that anything anyone could do or has ever done could really matter.

Sometimes a go a long time before I wake back up. In those times I wish I had more friends who really cared about me enough to jolt me back awake. So I have dedicated my life (Opps, there I go again, like it is ‘my’ life in the first place, silly me) to waking up others so that they can wake me up when I fall asleep. AND, so they can also fully enjoy and love ALL that life has to offer.

Wait, OTHERS???? There I go again, thinking there are ‘others’ in the universe. How can that be if “I” have no beginning or end, I therefore must be infinite and all inclusive. In infinity there can be no ‘other’ so there are no others. Ah, then I am not waking up ‘others’ so they can fully enjoy and love ALL that life has to offer; I am waking the REST of me up to fully enjoy and love ALL that life has to offer.

Phew, that was a lot of work. Ah, but it is worth it. What greater gift can I give to myself (and all there other ‘selves’ of me out there) that to wake up to enjoy this perfect world and universe?

Does anybody want to join me?

Unnecessary Suffering

I am really sad to see people abusing themselves emotionally just over something someone said to them. It is a sad world that programs us to abuse ourselves just so others can control and manipulate us. I am really glad I took the time and effort to overcome the world's ability to stimulate my self abusive behavior. ... I would really like to find a way to share this ability/skill with others.

We can all overcome the world's ability to stimulate our self-abusive behavior IF we are willing to take the time and effort to develop the skills necessary.

It is pretty obvious that the skill of controlling our bowels and bladder improves the quality of our life experience, for we no longer need to wear diapers. But most people have no idea that they can learn to control their emotional self-abusive behavior with just a little bit of awareness and effort. Anger, fear, guilt, shame, doubt, pessimism and all forms of negative or unattractive emotional and mental states and with consciousness we can choose to experience these or not. We can also choose happiness, joy, love, peace, freedom and we can choose to see beauty in all that life offers.

But all this takes skill and practice just as it took awareness and effort to develop the skills of walking, controlling our bowels and bladder, riding a bike, driving a car or most anything else.

There is no greater gift we can give ourselves or others than the gift of UNCONDITIONAL happiness, joy, love, peace and freedom.

The Virtue of Laziness

Jesus was lazy and so was the Buddha. Both of them could read and presumable write but neither of them wrote anything down; probably because they were lazy. They were too lazy to be industrious and they did not ‘create’ anything. They just enjoyed talking and that is all they really did. They had no home to support or take care of. They had no bank account. Their possessions were only what they could carry. They were beggars.

It is true that they lived in climates that did not require much in the way of protection from the elements. In my world, America, I find that the elements, including society and its governments, do not allow me to live the way that Jesus or the Buddha lived.

But I am just as lazy.

I have short passions that motivate me to get up off my lazy butt and do something, but it only lasts for a short time. Then the drive falls away.

I love to talk to people, and I think I have something to offer them. But America does not have ‘public market places’ the way they had in Jesus’ or the Buddha’s time. America has become a nation isolated from its self. People here spend all their time at home or at works and very little in public places.

Today, to reach out to people you ‘have to’ write something, and I am really too lazy to write anything, except short little topics like this.

We Buddhas and Christs have found a peace with the world and this peace kills our productivity. Being not productive we have no desire to hurt any one or anything; we have no inner “dis-ease”. With this peace there is no busyness or business in our world. No business, no work. We Buddhas and Christs tend to live off the charity of others; we beg for our food.

Lazy people tend to be healthier for they do not stress themselves out by working so hard. We just sit around and enjoy what life offers. I will walk or hike ten miles in a day just for the joy of it, but I will not walk a mile to look for work.

We Buddhas and Christs are so lazy we do not create wars. We Buddhas and Christs are so lazy we have a very low impact on the environment. Yet we tend to have a tremendous impact on the human environment. About half of the planets population plays lip service to Buddhas or Christs, but that is about all they do in regard to Buddhas and Christs.

I have too many possessions. I live in a small motor home that I have to maintain and support, and in this day of high fuel prices that takes a lot of work. I have this computer which I use to communicate with people. But it is probably time to get up off my lazy or cowardly ass and go out and talk to people, wherever I can find them. I know I have something to offer, I just find it hard to find people to offer it to.

So in conclusion, lazy people do not hurt anybody and they have a low impact on the environment. How much better would the world be if everybody was at least a little bit lazier?

Unholy Religion

From a web page titled “All Have Sinned” (http://www.santacruzbible.org/findingGod/allHaveSinned.php)

Man is SINFUL and SEPARATED from God, so we cannot know Him personally or experience His love

Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Romans 6:23 "The wages of sin is death" [spiritual separation from God].

Romans 8:6-8 "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

A great gulf separates man from God. Man is continually trying to reach God and establish a personal relationship with Him through human efforts, such as living a good life, philosophy, attending church or religion. But he inevitably fails.

I find this as a sick attitude or should I say, following a sick doctrine from a sick individual. The apostle Paul who wrote the above mentioned doctrine admitted that he did not get it (Philippians 3:12) so he was what Jesus called the “blind leading the blind” who “neither enters the kingdom of heaven nor allows others to”. (Matthew 15:14, 23:13)

From a more intelligent perspective, to tell people that they are ‘fallen’ or separate from God or failures or sinners or anything like that is to destroy any faith they might find in themselves to be good and healthy beings.

This doctrine is “of the sick, by the sick, for the sick” and adds nothing to humanity. It does not come from a place of love (God), but instead comes from a place of fear (Satan) and judgment.

This is NOT Jesus’ teachings but the teachings of one who used to identify with those that diabolically opposed Jesus in his time (the Pharisees). Pharisees like Saul of Tarsus (the one called the apostle Paul) wanted to rout out any who would actually follow Jesus’ suggestion and came instead to bring them back to “sound doctrine”. But Paul’s doctrine is not sound or health, at least not today by today’s standards. It might have been better for people then what they had back in his day, but today only the sickest would consider it healthy doctrine.

And yet, it is taught here in an educated society as ‘sound doctrine’. I find that this is possible only because we have a taboo about questioning people’s “faith”, even if that is not faith but faithlessness. The only reason somebody would believe Paul’s faithless doctrine is because they DO NOT have faith in Jesus’ more faithful doctrine or ways of thinking. Where Jesus advocated that people “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48), which means they NOT think of themselves as sinners, Paul encourages people to think of themselves as sinner. These are diabolically opposed positions and any church that follows Paul’s way is following the way of the antichrist, or what we call today Christ-anti; Christianity.

To the Christian mind this is ridiculous because they have been programmed all their lives to see themselves and everybody as sinners. But to a healthy mind this is obvious.

Of course, Jesus came to save the sinners, for they were the ones who are still gullible enough to believe they are sinners. Those of us who are righteous do not need to be saved, for we can see that we were never imperiled.

Fear of Self

Today I am struck by how people are so afraid of themselves. Everywhere I go I see people afraid. At first they seem afraid of me if they know anything about me, and sometimes even if they do not know anything about me.

I see this as a “problem” within society but here in lies the rub; maybe this ‘problem’ is only in MY mind. When I speak about this ‘problem’ with other people they only run from the discussion, so I speak about it more saying that people’s running from discussions is a symptom of the ‘problem’. The more I speak about it the more people seem to be afraid of me.

On the other hand, I recognize that I have had this same ‘problem’ myself and I found a solution to that problem: meditation or practicing relaxing around words, thoughts and ideas. I have found that what I make important I create tension around, so to relax I let go of making anything important. In order to share my insights with people I have to make them important, which creates tension or fear.

This is all a vicious cycle or a Catch-22 type situation.

I suppose that I just have to play with the dilemma; talk about it and then let it go.