I have a Fear of Commitment. No doubt about that, I cannot follow through on just about anything. I have ideas galore but I do not follow though on any of them. Many a time I have what I thought was a good idea, even a great idea, but I have learned to sit with these ideas and watch them gestate to see what happens with them. To date not a one has really survived long enough to even be born, let alone grow to maturity. A couple of years ago I had the idea to write my story, and I did spend the whole summer working on that, but I do no have any desire to edit it and get it published. So I just published the unedited version on my website and let it go at that.
I could say this is a failure to focus my mind, to block out the distractions. Even writing this blog post could be considered a distraction. But then again creating a blog was one of my good ideas. I wanted to share my insight with others, or at least make it available to the world should anybody actually care what my insights are.
This, of course, makes me no different than a million other bloggers or people wanting to share or even vent.
So I am wondering, is it fear of commitment or is it a lack of ability to focus or what? Maybe I am just lazy. Maybe I am not motivated to continue with any of my ideas because I really do not hurt enough or care enough to get me off my lazy and cowardly butt.
I do feel I have a deep commitment in concept but not in form. I am committed to waking people up but I do not have a form I like for that process. I love to confront people. I have to admit that I really do enjoy pissing people off, upsetting them, upsetting their slumber, waking them up. But how to do this consistently is the problem I have.
My latest idea is to walk around town with a video camera and engage people while filming the confrontation. That, I think, might make for interesting video.
I am sure that some people who read that last paragraph would be appalled at the thought of what I proposed of doing, but those are the ones I would say are asleep. Those who are awake would love it.
Anyway, again, I have to watch and see if this idea really manifests or will I just chicken out or get distracted and nothing will come of it. Is it fear or laziness? I do not know.
I want to improve myself and my ability to help people be healthier and happier. Your comments and criticism are appreciated, either here or at YouTube.
I want to hear people's criticism and judgments.I recognize that they cannot hurt me, only MY REACTIONS to words and thoughts can cause me harm.I have overcome my unhealthy habit of reacting to words and thoughts so now I am open to what others have to share with me.AND, I can show others how to get free from their habitual reactions to words and thoughts.
If you like the ideas I have presented here then please share them with others.
(This article [link with title above] was not WRITTEN by the Dali Lama, but ABOUT him and his talks.I find that in this type of situation the writer sometimes does not convey the true mean or intent of the speaker.Understand the words used and their INTENT is important.)
Here are some quotes from the article that I like and then my comments:
He doesn’t deny the reality of our differences or the inevitability of conflict. What’s important is how we choose to react.(referring to the Dali Lama)
A lot of the Dali Lama article seems to be focused on how people relate to others.There is little to no discussion on how we relate to OURSELVES.Are we being compassionate with OURSELVES? Or are we beating ourselves us with our emotional reactions to what life is offering us?If we do not FIRST have compassion for ourselves then we will not be in any shape to care about and have compassion for others.
“And your empathy can be extended further, eventually towards your enemy. Your enemies may disagree with you, may be harming you, but in another aspect, they are still another human being like you. They also have the right not to suffer and to find happiness. If your empathy can extend out like that, it is unbiased, genuine compassion.”
THIS I fully agree with.
Interestingly, the next paragraph the writer (not the Dali Lama) talks about “the three poisons of passion, aggression, and ignorance.”This shows the ignorance of the writer in that he included passion as a poison.Without passion there can be no com-passion.
“This touches on the very definition of what we mean by compassion,” the Dalai Lama replied. “At the heart of compassion is our response to someone else’s suffering. The first point is their immediate suffering, and at another level is the causes or conditions of the suffering. Maybe it is wiser to develop compassion toward people who are creating the causes of their future suffering. That’s wiser, because compassion can bring preventive measures. Immediate suffering has already happened—we feel a sense of concern, but sometimes nothing can be done. Maybe our efforts should be to prevent these kinds of things in the future.”
This is what I talk about the most, Preventative Compassion, a compassion that confronts the CAUSES of injury BEFORE they happen.Sometimes bringing about crisis is the most compassionate way to wake people up to their habits that are causing the suffering.Confrontation is just bring forth the truth of what is happening so confrontation is a healthy way to wake people up to their unhealthy habits.
“The basis of compassion for others is compassion for oneself,” he said. “If you don’t have the natural wish to be freed from your own suffering, you won’t be able to empathize with others’ experience of suffering. Therefore, the basis is compassion for oneself.”
YES, absolutely.My point exactly.
I wrote about Dynamic Compassion yesterday in my blog.You can read it below and may see some differences between my perspective, which I would call a more holistic perspective, and the Buddhist’s perspective.
Dynamic Compassion is a compassion that goes beyond just respect, service and care. Compassion is the willingness to suffer with others. Dynamic compassion is the underlying cause of change or growth that comes from that willingness to suffer with others.
Dynamic compassion is a willingness to engage the world or a situation that is unhealthy, possibly making that situation temporarily more dynamic (dis-eased) so as to bring about a change towards a healthier situation.
I remember a situation from my childhood where my mother demonstrated Dynamic Compassion with my older sister that probably saved her life and gave me a great example of love, which was a deep and profound experience in my life. I was about five or six at the time and all three of us, my older sister, myself and my younger sister, had the measles. My younger sister and I got over the measles in the normal amount of time but my older sister did not. My mother was worried about this because she had heard that measles, if they last too long, can do permanent damage or even kill. So my mother called the doctor who told her to induce the spots on the skin to eruption. To do this he said she should draw a hot bath that was just less than scalding and put my sister in it. He said this would be very uncomfortable for my sister but that my mother would have to hold her in the water until the spots erupted. can still remember how my sister screamed and cursed my mother for doing this. My mother had tears in her eyes but also knew that if she did not do this then my sister could die. My sister, still a child, could not understand this.
The spots erupted and my sister got better. But I can see that my sister always seem to hold that experience against my mother and still does not have much of a relationship with her.
But, I can see that this act was an example of Dynamic Compassion, loving when those you are serving cannot understand how you are loving them. This is unconditional love for it was not conditional upon a return of appreciation or love.
Dynamic Compassion is much more than Ahimsa, the Buddhist and Hindu doctrine expressing belief in the sacredness of all living creatures and urging the avoidance of harm and violence. Dynamic Compassion goes beyond the equanimity of non-aggression and injury of others to the active involvement in the lives of others. Ahimsa implies an avoidance of involvement in another’s life while Dynamic Compassion implies confronting and embracing involvement in another’s life. Ahimsa is a good start but it does not go far enough. In the spectrum of consciousness Ahimsa only goes half way to equanimity while Dynamic Compassion pushes us toward the extreme positive of love.
Dynamic Compassion means confronting the ills of our society. Non injury is non involvement while confronting is engaging the causes of injury BEFORE they happen or at the root of their source. Compassion by itself may mean being a “Mother Theresa” type person who comforts the wounds of those who have been injured. Dynamic Compassion means confronting the cause of injury so as to protect against future injuries.
Often those who are being harmed are also the ones doing the harm. Many injuries people experience are self-inflicted yet they blame others for their own behavior. For instance, “verbal or emotional abuse” is harm that we have learned to cause ourselves. Dynamic Compassion confronts the source of the injury by confronting the person who is abusing themselves emotionally.
Dynamic Compassion would also motivate one to confront the BELIEF that words are the source of our suffering. For it is this belief that keeps people trapped in the cycle of abuse and violence. Confronting deeply held beliefs in society is not popular but it is loving and deeply compassionate.
Today I am struck by how people are so afraid of themselves. Everywhere I go I see people afraid. At first they seem afraid of me if they know anything about me, and sometimes even if they do not know anything about me.
I see this as a “problem” within society but here in lies the rub; maybe this ‘problem’ is only in MY mind. When I speak about this ‘problem’ with other people they only run from the discussion, so I speak about it more saying that people’s running from discussions is a symptom of the ‘problem’. The more I speak about it the more people seem to be afraid of me.
On the other hand, I recognize that I have had this same ‘problem’ myself and I found a solution to that problem: meditation or practicing relaxing around words, thoughts and ideas. I have found that what I make important I create tension around, so to relax I let go of making anything important. In order to share my insights with people I have to make them important, which creates tension or fear.
This is all a vicious cycle or a Catch-22 type situation.
I suppose that I just have to play with the dilemma; talk about it and then let it go.
