I wonder if people who are about to die have some sense of impending doom, some ‘knowingness’ that they are about to die.  Just before my father died of a massive heart attack he called my mother, whom he had not talked to in almost twenty years, to wish her a happy birthday, which was the next day.  Within an hour of that phone call my father was dead.  He also called both of my sisters but failed to call either myself or my brother. 

But I still wonder, did he somehow ‘know’ or sense that he was going to die.  He had had some tests done on his heart only the week before and was to get back the result the following Monday. 

I wonder this because today I am feeling that feeling of impending doom.  I feel I am going to die or something like that.  No, I would have to say that I really feel I am going to die.  Now, I have had this feeling many times before and, of course, I did not die.  But this time seems to feel different; I do not feel any resistance to the idea of my immediate demise.  In the past there was some resistance to the thought of my immediate death, but today I actually feel that I would welcome it.

Maybe this is because I am depressed, which I could make an argument for, or maybe it is because  I am more ‘mature’ than I was before and recognize this ‘sense’ as only a thought.  Yea, maybe I am just experiencing some depression.  I feel ‘trapped’, which, of course, is only a product of my ways of thinking, but I still feel that way.  I am trapped in a sense of I do not know what I want, or if I know what I want I only want it bad enough for a short time to do something about it.  My deeper desires I don’t know how to satisfy or if I have an idea on how to do that I don’t have the stamina or drive to actually work on the ‘how to’ part of it.  Silly me…

So I am probably depressed and would welcome a quick and painful death.  Opps, did I say ‘painful’ death?  I did…maybe because I like drama.

I have found that there is some truth in this “The Secret” stuff that says we manifest what we focus our minds on.  Could I be manifesting my impending doom just by thinking about it?  I don’t know, but because I am a scientist of the spirit, I am writing this down just in case something happens to me today and then you will know that people do ‘sense’ their impending doom. 

And if I am wrong, I will see you tomorrow…and part of me is kind of hoping that I am wrong so I guess I really do not want die that much after all.