My Story

Chapter 11: What's Next

I am sometimes pretty pessimistic about finding people who can appreciate me. Kind of dumb of me.

I am pretty focused on serving humanity, but until I did this book I was not focused on exactly how I wanted to serve humanity. I still am not fully focused on how I am going to serve humanity. I will probably never know how I will eventually serve humanity. That is part of the joy of the journey; the mystery. It is the doubt that causes that pain, agony and suffering that is part of the rich experience of love that is Heaven. I love it.

I really only have a desire to talk about deep issues that effect all of humanity. I am consumed with looking at problems that challenge all of humanity. I look for deep underlining issues that have been with us since the beginning of humanity. Problems like overcome our fear of ourselves.

I do not find people interested in these things. That is probably because I have been to lazy to go out and find them.

I am interested in looking at our attitudes or ways of thinking that causes us problems.

I am also not very interested in whether I am making life difficult for Jim Freedom. Jim Freedom is not that important to me anymore.

I have worked very hard for the last twenty years of my life to be healthy of body, mind and spirit. Or to be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, environmentally and socially healthy.

Where I want to go now is to practice not focusing in on individual people but seeing the big picture of where we as a species are going. I want to let go of judgement, except maybe of those who lead others astray.

I want to share my perfect world with people. I want to show that Jesus and Siddhartha were not crazy, that their Kingdom of Heaven or Nirvana were not fantasies that they had.

I am back to caring again. I have my passion back.

Life is rich when I care. The more I can care the richer, more whole and complete my life experience is. I am VERY happy being back to my passionate self again.

I no longer care what people think of me. I want to again have the courage to love, the courage to care.

I am no longer attached to people who want to stay asleep. I may seem alone but I do not feel alone. I am with all my brothers and sisters of the world. I am still in my cocoon developing into the butterfly. I am working on this book and I am getting focused on what light I want to bring to the world. I will be better than I have ever been. I am cultivating YESness.

I am again working at seeing this world as beautiful and perfect. I am again cultivating the yes feeling and appreciating what life offers.

Today, I sometimes use the word Yes or yea as a mantra. It has a sense of approval and appreciation, which I want to experience. It reminds me that YESness is what I want to experience.

Some people will say that I am confrontational, I just think of myself as honest and open. I no longer want to hide my light for those who want to stay in the darkness and sleep. I am what I am and I will be what I must be.

As I am again coming back into my real being I am again finding that courage to love. With that live I am again finding that life is beautiful and perfect. Life again is rich and fulfilling.

I can see the first cracks in my cocoon. I feel the butterfly is starting to emerge.

I want to share my perfect world.

The purpose driven life is one that is focused. The mind is stable and not bouncing around with every distraction. When something has value or meaning to us we become driven to serve that meaning or value.

I wanted to be able to focus my mind but I originally did not have something to attach it to. But I did, I wanted to understand myself. I wanted clarity. With clarity I was able to find my purpose, meaning or value that I wanted to serve or was called to serve.

Later, I could see that Jesus actually suggested this as the first step somebody should take in their journey toward heaven. He said, "First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5) First find clarity for yourself then you can help others find clarity too.

Life started to look up for me in 1985 after my crisis I realized that I had a mission in life. My mission was to find out why life sucked so bad for me. the very fact of having a purpose focused my mind, simplified my life and gave me a direction that halted the ping pong effect that my unfocused mind offered me. This allowed me to relax and soften up both my body and mind. This allowed me to find the clarity that I was looking for.

I did not realize it then that this mission to gain clarity and understanding was actually a mission that would serve something greater than myself.

After my enlightenment my understanding of purpose was to tell everybody about the value of relaxation in our lives; that when were are able to relax the quality of life increase tremendously. Since love is expansive and relaxing I could see that love is what we want. But I soon learned that people were no open to hearing about this, at least not the way I was able to present it. They are afraid of my words, concepts and ideas that did not easily fit in the boxes of their minds.

So my purpose changed to waking people up to how they have been programmed to fear communication, words, ideas and concepts that are not part of the normal repertoire of ideas and concepts for society. I know what I am going to do. I know where I want to go but I do not know how to get there. The not knowing how is where I have doubt.

I am still living the simple life. I am still working to bring clarity to my 'self', although my definition of self has changed and now includes all of humanity.

When I am on purpose then my life is simple and easy. With my current incarnation of purpose being writing this book I have no doubts in my heart. So being purpose driven, particularly a purpose that is to serve something bigger than myself, adds to the quality of the life experience. Life is great for me. No, life is better than great, it is Perfect.

I have often wondered, why me? Why am I the one who thinks of Jesus and Siddhartha as equals? I know of no one who has over spoke or said these kinds of things before so why am I doing it now. I am sure that some will say it is my inferiority complex and a desire to be appreciated or honored. They may say that it comes from a desire to be special. Ok, so why do I want to be THAT special?

I recognize that people will say all sorts of ugly, nasty or negative things about be for the things I write here. I recognize that the religious people will hate me the way they hated Siddhartha and Jesus before me. So why would I want that?

I don't! I do not want to be hated, despised, rejected, scorned, ridiculed, ostracized or whatever. So why am I the one that is doing this?

Why have I been chosen to think these thought and speak my truth? Why am I the chosen one, the anointed one?

Sometimes I have thought, "Take this cup from me," just as Jesus had said (Mark 14:36). I understand his desire and his pain.

Why do I have to care so much? Why do I have to hurt so much? Why me?

I can come up with answers to the question of why me, but they are just answers. A long time ago I realized I did not want answers, I wanted peace from the questions. I can have that deep, profound peace from all these questions or I can allow the disease of these questions to be there. I do find value in these questions. I find they motivate me to seek to understand myself better that I might be able to show humanity a better way.

Answers are not good enough for me. It is like the difference between studying theology and actually knowing God as Jesus knew God. Or like the difference between looking at a map or visiting that country. Or the difference between reading the menu and eating the meal.

I was just hungry and was tired of all the mental masturbation that religion and theology offered. I wanted more. I wanted the mystical experience that Siddhartha and Jesus had.

All I can really say is, "I am what I am. I am that I am."

That is all I can say.

Today I have my world, my Kingdom that I live in. It is a different world than most people live in. My world is perfect. Like Jesus' Kingdom where he was king, I am master over my world. Jesus would also call his kingdom the Kingdom of Heaven. I just call it perfection.

In my world everything is perfect and as it should be or as I really want it. Sometime, of course, I leave my world and return back to the world of imperfection, ugliness and lack.

Some may say that Jesus and I are just being neurotic or psychotic even and creating imaginary worlds to live in. But we (or at least I) see the world that you see. We see the same pain and suffering that people go through. I see the war and death. I get sick and uptight. It is not that I go off and ignore this world or go off and live in my fantasy world. It is just that I have quite fighting this world. I sat back and reevaluated my values that motivated me to see this world as ugly.

I realized that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so is perfection. I now want to see things a beautiful so that I can experience beauty. I have just adjusted my ways of looking at things. I changed my perspective.

It is like those pictures that look like random patterns but if you can change something in your mind you can see a three dimensional image in the random images. It is a whole different world when you can shift your mind. Or those other pictures like the one that if you look at it one way it is an old woman and if you look at it differently you see the young woman in it. Or the picture that is either a vase or two faces looking at each other.

[I have it as My Pictures\misc\old_young.gif].

The difference is only in your mind, you just shift your way of seeing things. That is this world that I am talking about. When we take our power back we can shift our mind and see things as beautiful and perfect you can thoroughly enjoy and love this worlds. You get very emotional and can feel the total richness of life. You say that it could not get better than this.

Yes, this is hard to do under certain circumstances (like being hung on a cross), which most people live in and do not allow themselves to get out of those circumstances.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master sees as and the cocoon that produces the butterfly.

[look for the cartoon with the caterpillar]

My world is constantly changing but that is part of its perfection. There are plenty of opportunities to change things and plenty of opportunities to learn things and grow and expand. It is all a perfect world.

It is my kingdom and I am master over my kingdom. I am the king of my kingdom.

I see that other people would like to have their own kingdom, their own heaven or Nirvana, but they do not. So I, like Jesus, want to offer it to them.

This world is available to anybody who is open to it.

My perfect world, the Garden of Eden, the Kingdom of Heaven or Nirvana all seem to be pointing in the same direction and at the same thing. We are all just using a different language or different terms.

But like the Bible says in Genesis that if you take of the tree of knowledge of good and evil you will surely die; you will take on the fear of death and the fear of good and evil. With this fear the quality of your world degrades down to the hell that many people live in.

Most people think that good and evil are real things and not just figments of our imagination or values that we place on events. If there is something that we value because it give us goodness and something else that seeks to destroy it, then that thing is evil. But when we take our power back we no longer think that things can give us goodness. We recognize that goodness comes from within and that things are just there to help the body survive.

I live a very simple life. I easily live off of much less than ten thousand dollars a year. If I can make that much in a short period of time then the rest of my life has no clocks and no expectations. The spirit moves me completely. My life is totally focused on giving back to humanity. I am trying to create this road map, showing people how to get to Perfection as I have found it, Heaven as Jesus found it and Nirvana as Siddhartha found it. I will do ANYTHING I can to benefit the rest of me out there.

I finally found what I wanted: the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

The old saying, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I no longer have any exciting inner experiences. There are no great visions, not even any not so great visions. I have no psychic phenomenon. There are no physical sensations that are unexplained except what usually happens when you get over fifty. Every once and a while I experience some sort of fear, but I now look forward to this sensation as something to play with.

When I meditate I don't have any great experiences except the bliss, joy and sometimes tremendous feeling of love. Sometimes that feeling of love is so great that I feel I will burn up the body with the passion. I used to allow myself to go so far with this feeling that I had a red spot on my chest over my heart. I have learned not to go that far anymore for it does do damage to the body.

I want to have this body around for a long time so that I can serve others. so I take good the body and do not indulge in too much emotional and physical abuse.

From the outside, or even compared to my earlier life on the spiritual journey, it would seem that my life is boring, but I do not experience that much right now. It may be boring but it is rich. My inner experience is rich and full.

I no longer have intense desires for anything. When I meditate I do not go as deep as I used to for this is no desire to draw me down there. Because I do not go that deep in meditation I do not have the psychic phenomenon that I used to. Nor do I have a desire for any of that. I can now see that that psychic phenomenon is like eye candy, or should I say, mind candy, that is not relevant any more.

Mostly I am seeking clarity on how to reach out to people. How can I help others find the peace, joy and love that I have? How can I make my story, my wisdom, my insights, my knowledge or whatever it is that I have more palatable to people? I want to make it available to people so they can be open to it and use it in their lives.

I want to allow myself a full days rest every week. In this day off I want to not eat anything to allow my digestive system to rest. I want to take a day off from thinking or doing. I want to be fully still on this day. I will allow myself appreciation but no joy or love. Appreciation is light but joy has a sense of involvement and love has passion in it. Were there is passion there is no rest. In this day off I want to take a break from caring.

I want to start being able to feel my pain in the presents of others. I want to get back into being with people and shining my light. I want to be able to feel my pain, our pain, our hurt, and speak to that pain. I want to be able to fully care about humanity in the presents of humanity. I want to feel the pain in our heart of the sense of entrapment in our misery. AND, I want to show others how I get free from that sense of entrapment.

I want to find others who also want to feel their pain, our pain, in the presents of others and who want to transcend their sense of entrapment in that pain.

I want to feel the pain of the world in the presents of others. I want to feel my connection with people. If I can not feel my connection with others then I want to feel my LACK of ability to feel that connections. The pain of that lack is still my pain.

Anybody can feel the pain of humanity if they go to the mountain top and sit there long enough with an open heart. But the ability to bring that ability back down off the mountain top and into the valley, into the market place, around people and feeling that deeper, more profound pain. Then when we can feel it in the presents of others we can express from that pain.

I also find that I can get up here in the mountains (I am writing this from Mt. Shasta) and my life can be very fulfilled and nourished. That is as long as I ignore the rest of me out there in the rest of the world. As long as I do not watch the news or listen to the news on the radio I can easily ignore the pain of the rest of the world. As long as I live in this little isolation chamber that I call home I can live a very peaceful life. but if I open my heart of to the world then there is only passion.

I want to be more practical than theoretical.

We only experience entrapment when our mind is limited.

I am asking myself; do I want to confront the falseness that creates fear or do I just want to point at the truth?

I can see that humanity wants to be happier, freer and healthier. That has always been our goal or desire.

Once I read Jeremiah 31:31: ^"Behold, the days come, saith the LORD,...I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

Someday we will let go of such primitive concepts as sin, soul and salvation. Someday all will know the eternal Goodness that primitive people called God.

What the Bible tried to do thousands of years ago with its primitive and often barbaric language, someday we will learn without the cumbersome language of religion and antiquity.

As we learn how to operate the human instrument better we will get freer, happier and healthier. Someday we will learn in public school how to be masters over our own minds and emotions. Someday we will learn how to eat right, get good quality exercise and be healthy.

We still are not listening. We are not listening to the cries for help from those still trapped in their minds, in their beliefs. They are not just in Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran and the Middle East. They are our neighbors, our family members and ourselves. They are not just the religious fundamentalist and conservative religious people around the world. They are our own fearful and conservative reactions to what life is offering. We have to practice listening to one another everyday so that we can head off the emotional and possible physical violence here. We have to encourage each other to speak out our truth and practice relaxing and allowing people to share what hurts them. If they do not speak then we will not know what they are really feeling.

We need to encourage communication in our communities or we are going to have more and more violence.

But we will not be open to what people say if we do not learn to love ourselves in the presents of others who are speaking their truth.

With the increase of population taking place in a geometric progression, there is going to be more and more competition for scarcer and scarcer resources. This will lead to more conflicts, violence, war and suffering.

The solution to this coming scenario is communication and education. We have to be open to learning new ways of dealing with one another and new ways of thinking.

Terrorism is here to stay unless we are willing to reach out to one another and help one another overcome our limited ways of thinking. We need more evangelist for freedom and the truth that liberates and less promotion of limitation.

We are not listening to the oppressiveness of religion and government. Both are oppressing people. That is like putting a lid on or holding down the relief stop of a pressure cooker while keeping the heat on. The heat is the population explosion yet we are not allow people to release the excess pressure they are under.

Once humanity understands how the human instrument works then we will just apply this understanding to our ways of thinking.

Eventually there will be no religions and their primitive methodologies of operating the human instrument. Today we do not have debates on slavery, for we have generally accepted that it is not good. We did debate slavery back in the civil war era. But eventually those who were wrong, the conservatives, gave in to the more conscious way of thinking. The conservatives are always the ones who have to give way, for they are the ones who are always holding to the old ways of thinking.

Eventually we will not have prisons. Once we learn how to reprogram people or educate them so that they do not have a desire to hurt others.

Eventually after we understand how the human instrument operates we will teach it in the schools and children will know how to keep themselves healthy. We will not need doctors to heal us, for we will know how to heal ourselves.

This does not mean that we will not come up with new challenges to overcome. We want challenges so we will always create them. Challenges make life interesting. This just means that the current set of challenges we have will not be the challenges we will have in the future. It is the process of seeking that we are after, not the finding. So we will always find or make problems so that we can seek solutions.

The warriors of tomorrow are going to be radical educators who will go forth and educate people or awaken them to new ideas and ways of thinking in spite the resistance they get from the people and their governments. In societies that want to stay in the dark or their government want to keep the people in the dark the warriors of tomorrow will venture to confront this darkness. These ultraconservative societies will not prevail against the onslaught of knowledge, information and honesty that is the truth.

Humanity is still evolving and has a long ways to go, for those of us who have eyes to see. We can see the past and where we have evolved from and were we are going. In the past we used to believe in all sorts of things that today we would call superstitions. We have created more sense of unity with such things as democracy, which is an evolutionary step for humanity but not the final step.

I am seeking to awaken people to the possibility to know Perfect, Unconditional Love. And, if you seek the Ultimate Truth, which is infinite and eternal, then you will find the Freedom to BE Perfectly and Unconditionally Loving.

My passion now comes from my confrontation of that which I call evil. I am choosing to call anything that deceives, is delusional or is false as evil. Such would be the false doctrines that religious people propagate that indicate we are trapped in our suffering and misery. I want to do battle with those who seek to enslave.

My peace comes from recognizing that it is all good, that I want this evil to be there to give me my passion so that I can experience the vitality of life. I love the challenge of darkness and evil. I love the battle.