My Story

Chapter 8: Reaching Out

I felt that it was time for me to start to share what I had found but I was not sure of a way to really start. Ever since I was a kid I had been afraid of people. I never even went on a date until I was twenty two because I was so timid or afraid of the potential for rejection.

Yet, I still wanted to connect with people. I had like group settings ever since college so I started to look for any time of group meetings where they were talking about things that related to my experience.

Since I had been studying the Bible I started to attend Bible studies. Some of the Bible study groups were closed classes where the teacher would just recite the text for people to memorize, so these were not interesting. They seemed more like indoctrination programs then education groups so I was walk about and let the dead bury the dead. Where they talked about the text I did find interest. Yet, my perspective was a lot different than the Christians and when I would quote Jesus so much they would take offense at me. Almost all the churches that I went to Bible studies at eventually asked me to leave or even cancelled the class because I so upset the leaders or students.

All the while I was learning to have confidence in my ability to speak in front of people. I was learning that what I had to offer was not so much what I said but that I had the courage to speak. I guess that part of my motivation in those days was to impress people with my understanding. And part of the motivation was to share the openness and limitless that is available to us all if we are open to it.

Either way, I soon learned that Christians were not ready yet for me in my current form. I needed to purify my language and attitude. It I wanted to reach out to Christians I would have to find a way to make what I wanted to say more palatable to them.

Yet, I was starting to notice a consistency in people's behaviors in these discussions. I noticed that people could listen to my thinking outside the box for a little while but eventually they would overload and blow a fuse. Then the fear and anger would erupt and they would either leave or ask me to leave.

On some occasions I would notice that I would do the same thing. I started to wonder why I was not able to listen to people speak. When I would set with this I realized that it was not the words that people spoke that cause the problem. It was me.

It still bothered me to see people in emotional self abusive support groups. These groups seem to enable people's emotional self abusive behaviors by lying to one another that we are not responsible for our reactions to what life is offering, or that we have no power over ourselves.

After my enlightenment I felt very special. I felt that I was God's gift to humanity. I had found the greatest key to life that any person had ever found and therefore I was very special, unique, important and valuable to humanity.

I know how Jesus felt when his disciples were praising him and the Pharisees complained the he should rebuke his disciples. Jesus said, "I tell you, if these were silent, the very stones would cry out." (Luke 19:40)

When Jesus went around immature and gullible people then they would suck up on that type of self importance. As I have traveled around the world and seen other teachers and gurus who were worshipped as God or God's gift to humanity, I saw that it was the most unconscious among those around the teacher who thought so much of the teacher. The more mature ones saw the truth that they teacher was just a person who had obtained some level of clarity.

I still feel that I have something great to offer humanity, but my experience of enlightenment is only the beginning of the journey. The real greatness comes when I can effectively offer it to others.

There have been many, thousands or maybe even millions of people who have experienced enlightenment to some degree or another. Daily I meet people who can see that life is perfect and they seem to have the ability to actually appreciate, enjoy and love most of life.

I now see that the real challenge is to open the eyes of the rest of humanity, at least those still stuck in the dark cave of their minds.

When I look at Christians I realize that Jesus was not a very good teacher. For I know of not one single Christian that found what Jesus found. Not one of them became an equal to Jesus. Maybe a few of the early Christians did find something like the Kingdom but they never gained the level of clarity that Jesus did. If they did then the other Christians would have killed or silenced him or her the same way the Jews killed Jesus.

I have also recognized that it was not healthy or loving to me to think I was so important. I recognize that it is quite obnoxious to other people who are not awake to hear words that indicated I was important or special. Since it does not help anyone I wanted to let this kind of thinking go. This type of thinking only separated me from the rest of humanity. I want to be an example to people of what they can find, not a person to be worshipped, praised or hated.

I remember that line of Jesus' were he said that he came to serve, not be served. (Matthew 20:28) And that if you him (Jesus) then you know his Father (God). (John 8:19) He was trying to say that God is not a mean tyrant that demands obedience. This was a concept that the mean rulers and clergy wanted to promote. That God was there for us, not that we are here for God. It is the tyrants of the world that want us to be servants to them and their will that want us to believe we are to be servants to the rulers of the world. The rulers say we are the intermediary between the people and God so we tell you what God wants and you obey.

Bullshit.

I am not special. Jesus was not special. The rulers of the world are not special. We are all equals in the eyes of God and those who are one with God. We are not born special and we do not have divine right to dominion over anybody.

The tyrants of the world try to create a sense of hierarchy so that we will serve their will. They want us to believe that authority is outside of ourselves and that we should serve them. I see this in government people, churches, parents and all people who want power over others.

People like Jesus and I do not want to be worshipped, we just want to be examples of what everybody can be. It is not that we are here to be served and worshipped, we are here to serve and be of benefit to everybody else.

After finding my way back to the light I wanted to share it with others. I became driven to find a way to share what I had found with all of humanity. But as life has its ups and down I would find that I would loose the light myself and get caught up in the drama of life. So part of my motivation for trying to organize my understanding was to find a simple way to remind myself how to get back to the light. I recognized that what I wanted as a simple method that was also palatable to as many people as possible.

That desire took me on a quick trip around the world looking for a place to stay while I could think about what I had learned. I started in Scotland and the Findhorn Foundation, but it was to busy and cold. Then through Europe at the time that the Berlin Wall came down. Then on to India thinking I could stay at Satya Sai Baba's ashram in Southern India. But India had become so polluted since the last time I was there that I realized it would be a real health challenge just to stay there. I could also see how Sai Baba had become corrupted with his success. The ashram had grown considerably and now thousands of people came just to see Sai Baba and kiss his feet. Sai Baba no longer taught he just basked in the light of other people's admiration. The ashram also now had a cadre of arm band totting 'Nazis' whose purpose was to control things but they were really getting into the power they were given.

I kept thinking that Sai Baba was a second tier mystic or teacher. A Buddha or Christ knew enough about them self and humanity to know how to control the crowds without the need of giving artificially power to 'Nazis'. A Buddha or Christ would just get honest and judgmental to drive away the weak members of the crowd. And when it was time to bring them back to teach them more they would just shine their light by talking about the joys of Nirvana or Heaven. But Sai Baba seemed to only be interested in raking in the money and attention. He did not seem awake enough to know that those people out there were him and to do unto them as he would want done unto himself.

This is a problem I have seen with all eastern teachers. They were not in touch with their Self, the self that is beyond their own body and includes all life. When they allow the most ignorant among us to worship them and put them on a pedestal that those people were hurting themselves by thinking that the teacher, guru, Buddha or Christ was something they could not be. As they push the teacher, guru, Buddha or Christ up on a pedestal they were really pushing themselves down. They could not help but compare themselves to the idealized image they had of their guru, Buddha or Christ. They could see their own flaws but not those of their ideals. It was pure and simple idol worship. This idol worship creates insecurity in the minds of the worshippers.

So I was thinking how quiet and clean Hawaii was and took off for there. But I had to go through Dacca, Bangladesh first.

While traveling through Bangladesh I realized how far I had come spiritually and how far I still had to go. I was sitting on a bus as we waited for more passengers to load. I was probably the only white person on the bus or who had been to this area for some time, because I was of much interest to all the people there. I actually was not alone, I had picked up a traveling companion in Findhorn so he and I were the only white people these people seem to have ever seen. But while waiting for the bus to get moving I was tapped on my shoulder by someone. I turned to see a person with two heads, or at least that is what I thought I was seeing. It really was a person with a goiter, an enlargement of the thyroid gland visible as a swelling of the front of the neck. But the goiter was as big as a second head. The sight of this right next to me so startled me that I jumped and screamed. This guy was just begging for a hand out and I had nothing to be afraid of, but the sight was startling. The rest of the people on the bus shoed the guy out and apologized to me profusely.

Just because I was awake intellectually did not mean that my thinking processes were pure yet. I had to take the realizations out of my head and put them more into my heart or body.

I may have realized the illusionary nature of my 'self' but in a practical sense I still wanted to eat and I still wanted function in society. I could not function very well it I was always thinking that all this world is an illusion. I remember the line from Zen that says, "Before enlightenment you have to chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment you get to chop wood and carry water." Nothing changes but your attitude.

That is a bitch for somebody who always functions from his head or philosophies. I had to get out of my head and get real with myself. I had to get practical. I had to constantly watch my thoughts to see which ones were based on beliefs and which ones were based on what I was actually experiencing now. AND, I had to do this in real time, meaning I had to do this while earning a living or engaging in conversations or whatever I would normally have to do. This could not be just a thing I did during meditation. It had to be a 24/7 activity.

Ok, so it did not HAVE to be anything. I wanted it to be that way. I could still get caught up in the lie if I wanted or if I was lazy, but at this time in my life I did not want to do that. So I wanted to be awake full time. AND, I wanted to be in the world. The eastern idea of the enlightened yogi sitting on the mountain top in a state of bliss did not appeal to me. I wanted to come off that mountain top and engage life. I wanted to go further than the yogis of the east and be whole and complete, lacking nothing. I wanted to be perfect. Not just perfect in concept or perfect in my mind, which I was. I wanted to be perfect in practice, in the world. I wanted every cell of my body or of my being to feel that perfection. I wanted more than Jim Freedom to be enlightened. I wanted the whole being of humanity to experience this with me.

That is very heady. Let me try again. I want to see more smiles on the faces of people everyday. I want to be fully be my Self and have every body experience joy with it.

I spent several months in Hawaii, mostly just sitting and pondering what the commonness was of all the teachings and all myself experiences. I wanted to find the essence of all the spiritual and religious traditions that I had been exposed to. What was the common thread outside the mythologies and the languages that each tradition used? What were they all trying to help us get to and what was the commonness of their methods?

Then I came back to society and tried to share that with people, but I discovered that they would not listen, the couldn't listen. They did not seem to have the ability to listen or they did not care. So I realized that I had to come up with a better way to reach out to people. I had to improve upon what I had already come up with.

As I think about what I am writing here I can hear your questions about what I think I had that was really of value to humanity. I see a lot of people not really happy with life; either with their own personal life or the way that humanity is going, or both. When I started out on my spiritual journey I was one of these people. I thought that life sucked big time. I hated my country, the people who ran it and those who supported it. I hated humanity for screwing up this planet so bad and for being so mean to all life forms, including itself. To me, almost everything was ugly.

What I have discovered is that ugliness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and I have found HOW to change with way I see things so that I can see them as beautiful. It is not difficult to change our ways of thinking, it only takes practice, patience and persistence.

I saw that it was important to have faith in something before we can apply it to our lives. This requires some level of understanding. So I looked at the essence of all spiritual traditions that I have studied and came up with what I call Four Simple Truths to give a basic understanding of what our motivation is and how to get there.

Then I looked at all the traditions that I had been exposed too and saw that they all had what I call the Four Skills. These are skills, attitudes or qualities that are how I get back to experiencing the goodness that life offers. I see that the qualities of Simplicity, Softness, Smile and Stillness.

This book is my latest attempt of reaching out to people everywhere and sharing what I have found. I want to offer a way to improve the quality of their life experience. Hopefully I can find some people who care enough about themselves, others, humanity or life in general that they will be willing to listen and want to take to heart what I have to offer.

Of course, I recognize that all people want to improve the quality of their lives and that many want to help others also improve the quality of their lives. People do not because they are so afraid of life, they become so selfish, self-centered, uncaring and dead that they have forgotten what life is about.

Siddhartha had his four noble truth and eight fold path. Jesus had his beatitudes. I wanted to have something to offer people as a way to get beyond the limits of the culture and our conditioning so that they could find a profound peace and the courage to be honest about it.

So I came up with four simple truth or understandings and four skills that combined enabled me to get free to perfectly enjoy and love all that life offers.

I used these four simple truths to remind me of my deepest motivations whenever I get caught up in the drama of life. These truths and skills are what I fall back on to get back the light or clarity. I want to have clarity of mind so that I can see what is really happening and not just react to my beliefs.

1. We all want to experience Goodness.

All living beings want to experience that internal and eternal Goodness; an infinitely positive experience of appreciation, joy and love. This is the root of all human motivation.

If we do not seek we will not find. So the first step in getting to goodness is to realize that we want it and to seek it. In seeking we become open to the possibility that there is a way back to perfect eternal goodness. If your mind is not open to it then you will not seek it. If you have no faith that you can get back to goodness then you will not be open to it.

Human evolution, both individually and collectively, comes from the interest we have in improving our lot, in improving the quality of our life experience. We are always seeking until we get satisfaction. When we find Perfection then there is no more seeking, only contentment and peace.

The word "Perfection" means that which is whole and complete, not lacking anything. The human experience of Perfection is one of not wanting anything, to be desireless. When we are completely fulfilled, we have it all and our desires, wants and needs are satisfied. Those who have found Perfection can completely appreciate, enjoy and love all life's experiences.

The experience of Perfection happens when we are free of all our desires, hope, dreams, wishes, wants and aspirations. Perfection happens when we have it all, not necessarily as we imagined it, but as it is and we feel fulfilled.

Others have spoken about Perfection. They may have called it Nirvana or the Kingdom of Heaven, but from their description they are talking about the same experience.

Being Perfect does not mean that we fit the images or ideals of others, or even ourselves. It means we no longer have the desires or pains that motivated us to create the images or ideals. Many people believe that the experience of Perfection (or Heaven or Nirvana) in this life is impossible.

How much goodness do we want? How much can we have? We can have so much goodness that life can be perfect.

Have you ever asked yourself, "there has to be something more?" Have you ever thought that something was missing in life?

Yes, life can be perfect, if you are open to it. We can see everything as perfect, if we are open to it. If we are open to seeing and experiencing life as perfect then we will.

This does not take away from the perception of the world as less than perfect, for it can gives us a passion, vitality or motivation. When we are motivated we get off our lazy or cowardly butts and get more into the life experience. The perception of perfection is there when we want to rest from our efforts. When we are tired of all the battles and struggles of trying to make the world better then we can go back to the awareness of the perfection of all reality.

Trying to change the world is a great experience, as long as we have the light of joy and love with us. Once we have seen that the world is perfect then we will only make an effort out of the desire to play, enjoy and love the game that life offers. So imperfection, ugliness, bad and evil are good for us too.

2. Goodness is experienced when we are expanding, relaxing or releasing.

By expanding the focus of our awareness we release the tension in our body and mind. Narrowing our awareness or attention creates tension and power. When we get trapped in tension there is discomfort, pain, misery and eventually death.

There is a time for tension and a time for release. Liberation and enlightenment are release. One cannot experience the positive experience of liberation unless they had first been bound. One cannot experience enlightenment unless they had first been endarkened. One cannot experience salvation unless they had first been imperiled.

3. Our whole being follows our mind.

Wherever our mind would lead our experience would follow. If we are expanding our positive thoughts and releasing our negative or limiting thoughts then we will move towards a greater experience of Goodness.

If you continue to do what you have always done then you will get what you have always gotten. Embracing change is making yourself open to new ways of thinking.

They are talking about the quality of life being perfect. Siddhartha and Jesus both talked about radically changing our ways of thinking to experience Nirvana or Heaven.

In the Greek version of the New Testament the word that is translated into English as 'repent' is Metanoia, which means a radical change in the way of thinking. Jesus started his teaching with, "Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand." A more accurate way of translating this would be to say, "Change your way of thinking for the kingdom of God is here." This is a perfect world, if you just change your way of thinking.

According to Nave's Topical Bible the word 'repentance' means a complete reversal of one's attitude and values, i. e. a turning toward God or Love.

We are talking about a radical change in the way you think. That means some of your most fundamental beliefs or ways of thinking must be challenged and changed.

If people are challenged and stimulated to question authority, including the authority of their own beliefs, I find that they can get free to better enjoy and love ALL that life has to offer.

We are our own worst enemy. We create most of our own problems. We cause a lot of problems for ourselves by being dishonest with ourselves and others. When we develop the courage to be honest with ourselves and eventually with others, most of our problems will just disappear.

Our conditioned response to words, concepts and ideas create most of our problems in life. Words do not hurt people, people's reactions to words cause injury. Words do not hurt people and neither do thoughts, ideas or images. It is our reactions to these words, thoughts, ideas and images that causes us harm.

Truth is sincerity in action, character and utterances. Truth is what is real or factual. To be with the truth is to be honest, to the depth of our being. Jesus said, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32)

Therefore, truth liberates and that which does not speak of freedom is not of the truth.

The absolute reality or truth is infinite and eternal, there are no limits to it. All things that are limited are temporal and will pass away.

Therefore, anything that talks about limitation is only talking about a limited truth or relative truth which is conditional and subjective.

Since truth is a liberating thing then all beliefs that limit us are based on falseness. Such would be the belief that we have but one life to live or that we have a limited soul. The false concepts only create fear in our being. Of course, that fear creates great drama so if that is what you want then the belief in a limited soul will get you there. I believe I am a limited being sometime too, just for the drama of it. But when I get tired of the drama I go back to the truth that sets me free from the drama. That truth is that I am an infinite being, always have been and always will be.

The ultimate reality is infinite. All finite things will pass away. They come and go so they are not real. Realness is eternal. It has always been and always will be. It has no beginning and no end; it has no limitation.

Taking your power back and getting free are the same things. When you are free to appreciate, enjoy and love all that life offers, which is what you want to do, that is what you would do if you had the power. The power comes with practice. The truth is what sets you free to make those choices.

If you are open minded, determined and persistent then you will find that nothing is impossible to you. As Jesus said, "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, `Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." (Matthew 17:20)

With the attitude that we can do anything we are open, expanding and releasing any sense of entrapment.

Words do not hurt people, it is people's reactions to words that cause injury. The greatest lie is that things outside of ourselves, including words, are responsible for the quality of our life experience.

Part of this greatest lie is that words hurt people: that we are responsible for other people's reactions to our words. This lie is one of the greatest travesties ever perpetuated upon humanity. It causes physical and mental diseases as well as creates an environment of mistrust, social conflicts and even war. This greatest lie limits the quality of life that is available to all of us.

4. The mind is expanding when it is saying YES to what life offers.

The Mind is expanding when it is appreciating, enjoying or loving what life is offering.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so is ugliness, good and evil, perfection and imperfection. If we see something as beautiful then we will have a beautiful experience. If we see something as ugly then we will have an ugly experience. Which experience would we rather have? What do we have to do to change how we see things?

5. Words, concepts and ideas don't hurt. It is my reactions that cause injury.

When I am alert and awake I can relax and choose to not react to what I hear from without or within.

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Change our values.

The experience of happiness, joy, love, peace, freedom, and so on are more important to us then the "things" that we have used in the past to stimulate that experience. Our highest value is not the things but the experience.

You can have beautiful experiences or you can have ugly experiences. The choice is yours, the power to choose comes with practice.

Jesus said, "The kingdom of God is within you." (Luke 17:21)

If we think beautiful thoughts then we will have a beautiful life experience. If we think ugly thoughts then we will have an ugly life experience. The choice is yours, the power to choose comes with practice.

Simple Truths

All that is real is what I am experiencing right now. The past and the future are not real.

Limits are not real. They are, at best, only temporary. Truth Liberates; it is infinite and eternal. All that is manifest is temporary, not real.

Relaxed nerves and muscles will not react to stimuli. Expanded focus of mind allows relaxation. Sorrowful heart causes relaxation and expansion.

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The Four Skills will manifest this Goodness in our expanding being: Simplicity, Softness, Smile and Stillness.

Whenever I lose my light or my ability to appreciate, enjoy and love what life is offering me then I go back to these Four S's. These are skills, attitudes

We have to have clarity so that you can see the truth that will set you free to enjoy and love what life offers.

For years I kept looking at the cause of our emotional dis-ease or at least to find a cure for it. The problem I saw was that we can not relax. By learning to relax and not react we will enhance our ability to appreciate, enjoy and love what life offers. This is particularly true about relaxing around words, for it enhances our ability to communicate with one another. With enhanced communication we will no longer have any reason to fear one another or to fear for our survival. We will be able to further relax.

This is the most fundamental problem that I can find that if we can cure it then we can cure almost all of humanities problems.

Taking your power back and getting free are the same things. When you are free to appreciate, enjoy and love all that life offers, which is what you want to do, that is what you would do if you had the power. The power comes with practice. The truth is what sets you free to make those choices.

These Four Ss are what I use to get back to the light, or get back to appreciation, joy and love. With the Four Ss I can get back to seeing and experiencing this world as perfect.

To come up with these I started by looking at what I did as I started to make an effort to change the quality of my life experience.

The four truths remind me of this and the four skills help me get back to stillness where I experience clarity. I have found that if I do not have clarity then I have nothing. I can have the whole world but if I do not have clarity then I will not be free to enjoy that world. If I have clarity then I will not need the whole world, but can fully enjoy what I have.

This is part of the rituals that I created that I use to get back to the light. I can now see that rituals are just habits we use to program ourselves to get back to the sense of goodness that we all want to experience. this is part of my meditation ritual. When I stop doing this process then I stop experiencing the quality of life that I want. This is not all bad, for after experiencing the darkness again I can then go back to the light with these rituals and then I will appreciate the light that much more.

I could write a whole book on these four basic skills themselves, but I will just give an overview here.

Since I had always been studying spiritual and religious traditions with an eye on the essence of what they were about, I decided to formulate that essence into a system of my own. So I came up with what I called the Four S's. These are what I see all spiritual traditions are aiming at do for people. All traditions have these four skills in some form or another.

SIMPLICITY

All spiritual traditions encourage people to simplify their lives.

This first thing I did was get a simple understanding of what it was that I wanted. Beliefs, concepts and ideas are alright here, but you will let them go eventually. They are only starting points.

The first thing I did in my life was to Simplify my life. I could see that when Siddhartha was starting his journey he also left his family, possession and society at large to seek something that society could not offer him. Jesus also went off to a lonely place or got away from family, friends and society. He also encouraged others to do the same. We leave family, friends, relations and society because they have engrained in them the attitudes and beliefs that keep us trapped in the cycle of negativity and self-abusive behavior.

In simplifying we also get rid of our unnecessary possessions, and most of our possessions are unnecessary. I sold all my things and Jesus taught that we should sell all our things and only keep the absolutely most necessary things with me. At one point, while in Hawaii, I was down to just two small bags of possessions. I remember sitting for several hours one day and asking myself if I really needed two pens to write with. When I realized that it was an issue of trust, trusting that I could find another if one ran out of ink, then I let go of the second and gave it away. Besides, it was heavy carrying all that extra stuff through life. I wanted to "lighten up" after all. I could see how my attachment to things also caused me a lot of worry. I had to worry about them being stolen or lost. This worry was not a heavenly experience.

KISS, Keep It Simple, Stupid. That is what I say to myself when I start getting causing up in the complexities of life. These complexities stupefy me, so it is accurate to call myself stupid.

When I am simple I am not concerned about the past or the future. The here and now is that real. Most of my 'problems' are a product of my thinking about the past or the future, they are not in the present moment. That means that most of my problems are in my mind and its thinking and not part of my actual experience I am having now.

Self love first. I can not love another if I can at least love myself, and if I am not taking care of myself I will not be able to love others. when I am being honest with myself I realize that I can do nothing but be selfish. Everything I do is because I want to do it, at some level or another. Yet, I can expand my definition of my self to include others. I am still serving myself if I am serving those others.

A full spectrum life includes both the positive experiences of fulfillment or unconditional love and the negative experiences of lack, fear and pain. All experiences comprise a whole and complete life. The negative experiences give us an appreciation for the more positive experiences and this sense of appreciation gives us the richness of life. It is this sense of appreciation that enables us to manifest a greater experience of Perfection.

If my mind is focused and I am not torn by conflicting desires then I will be inwardly peaceful. As Jesus said, If the eye be single then the body will be full of light, but if the eye is not single, then the body will be full of darkness. This means to have my priorities clear and work on what is most important.

When I simplify my life I do not make commitments to anything but being honest. My primary relationship is with myself, all others are secondary relationships.

 

SOFTNESS

All spiritual traditions teach some form or method of softening or relaxing the body and mind.

Softening is another way of saying relaxing. I use softness because it starts with S and I wanted Four S's. I work at relaxing or softening my body and mind so that I do not have a 'hard' experience.

Softness or flexibility allows us to bend, like branch that does not break in the wind. The living branch is flexible and bends in the wind. The dead branch is rigid and breaks in the wind.

I soften my body by breathing deeply and relaxing with each out breath.

Stretching the muscles out while breathing into the stretch allows them to be more relaxed when they return to the starting place then they would have been otherwise. This is the essence of what Yoga is. Another way to relax the muscles of the body is to stress or tighten them up until you can not hold on to any more. You will then be more relaxed then before you started.

I also consider my diet and how it creates tension. I eat organic and simply. I have talked about diet elsewhere so I will not go into it here.

Seeking is softening or opening the mind. By definition, when we are seeking we are open minded.

Thinking you know something is closing the mind. Hence, Jesus would say we should be like the children to enter the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3) We are to be innocent like the children to enter the kingdom of heaven. Jesus also said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." (Matthew 11:25) Or, as it says in Genesis 2:16, we should let go of our belief in good and evil, right and wrong, to return to Eden.

A Buddhist once said, Only do not know. A Christian mystics once said, Dwell in the cloud of unknowing.

Dwelling in mystery opens your mind to the subtle impressions that our gross mind can not perceive. The yearning for the mystery opens us up further.

When I make something important I am creating hardness. In order to make something important I have to ignore everything else. This is the practice of ignorance. When I ignore something I will eventually become afraid that I am missing something that could hurt me, so ignorance creates fear. So I try to see the big picture surrounding situations that are causing me problems. The bigger the picture I can see the more I detach and relax.

Seeing the big picture allows me to embrace the whole experience of life. there are always ups and downs with life, and I want them, so I try to remember this and embrace the whole experience.

Finally, I tune into my true intention or deepest desire. I want all living beings to experience appreciation, joy and love to their hearts desire. If I fully feel that in my heart then miracles happen. I call it the power of intention.

SMILE

All spiritual traditions encourage people to practice appreciating, joy or love of what life is offering.

I want the experience of lightness so I 'lighten up' and become lighthearted. There is something about smiling that changes your disposition. When I am smiling on life I am say an unqualified YES to what life is offering me. No-ness is a real downer.

I start by appreciating myself and I work outward from there. I remember that I am a work in progress that will not be done until I am dead, and so is everybody else. Patience goes a long way toward helping me appreciate what life is offering me now.

Smiling is forgiveness. I forgive myself for taking offense at what others or the world offer me. it does me no good to hold on to a grudge.

STILLNESS

All spiritual traditions encourage people to be open to rest and stillness. For they see that it is in the stillness that we gain the clarity that enables us to see the truth that sets us free of perfectly enjoy and love all that life offers.

It is in the stillness that I gain my clarity that enables me to see the truth that sets me free to fully appreciate, enjoy and love what life is offering. It is in the stillness that I get my rest and recuperation so that I am able to fully engage life.

When I am still I can fully listen to what others or life itself is telling me.

Like I said above, I could write a lot more about these skills but that is another book. I do want to talk about how I use these four skills in my day to day life.

When I am being challenged in life by a person or situation I use these four skills to remind me of what is real and how to get back to the inner peace and positive experience that I want to have. I do appreciate having negative experiences, but I do not want to be trapped in them. when I am starting to feel trapped in an experience I then use the four skills to wake myself up. Whenever I find myself believing something that is creating a fear in my, fear always being a product of some belief of being trapped, I let the truth of the four skills wake me up and release me from my delusions.

I do not always use these skills in any particular order. First the thought comes into my mind of the value of the four skills and then I wait to see which of the skills first appears in my mind to see which one to embrace.

When I allow myself to get off my healthy lifestyle and the quality of my life suffers then I use the four skills to remind me of what to change in my lifestyle to make it healthy again.

I would periodically take a few days off to fast and meditate to gain clarity. One Sunday after I had been fasting for four or five days I was walking past a church as the congregation was just entering for the service. I went into the church just to sit in the back and meditate during the service. Of course, I did not look like the rest of the congregation, for I had long hair, a beard, natural colored loose fitting clothes, sandals and a bag with all my possession.

Several of the members of the congregation made a point of saying something nice to me as I sat down in the back row in the corner. I neatly stowed my bags under the pew and proceeded to meditate as the service started to get under way. Then the pastor came up to me and in a real hard voice warned me that he would not tolerate any disruption. He said that he knew what I was there for and that he would drag me out of the church if I did anything.

Now I was very clear at this time so I did not feel intimidated, even thought this guy was much bigger than my six foot four and slender body. I insured him I was only there to listen.

The service got started and at some point they all stood up to sing a hymn. I was just sitting there blissing out when I was shaken by a big hand violently grabbing my shoulder. The pastor picked me up by the shoulders and screamed at me, "Why will you not conform?" He then dragged me out of the church onto the front steps and proceeded to hit and kick me until some members of his congregation dragged him off of me.

I remember just looking at him as he was dragging me out and feeling no anger or negativity at all for him. I only felt pity and compassion for him.

The members of the congregation that came out seemed to be very uncomfortable with the pastors behavior, as they naturally would have been. None of them could not look me in the eye. I asked one of them if that was the way the pastor normally acted and he said no.

This whole experience was very illuminating for me. I was overjoyed that I never took offense at anything this pastor did and that I never experience any negativity because of this event. Of course, I do not live my life fasting and in deep meditation so if something like that was to happen to me today I probably would have some negative response. But it would not last for long.

The memory of this event, like my motorcycle accident, reminds me what is possible if I really need to go there. These events remind me of the sense of freedom that I now have in this world; a freedom from the fear of my abuse and my reaction to it.

This event also reminded me of the pressure to conform that religious institutions apply to those who just want to be social and learn something about themselves. I could see the fear that the pastor had of anyone who would not conform to his idea of how and what we should be doing. It was only motivated by fear, the power of darkness.

I could see that this pastor had sacrificed inner people for worldly peace. Those in his church who conformed to his idea of what is right and good would not have inner peace with themselves, but they would have a tentative social people in their community. but sooner or later that social peace would erupt into a problem for themselves or other. It might erupt as disease in their body or disease in the church, but it would erupt as disease.

I still have beliefs. Every once and a while I realize that I still believe in something. But today I no longer believe in my beliefs. I no longer think of them as being real, they are just an old way of thinking that I have not cleaned up yet.

There was the time that somebody showed me that I still believed in germs. I had to admit that I did believe in germs and that I reacted to a lot of things in life in a certain way because of my belief in germs. I believed that germs were separate from me. I believed they were out to do me harm. I believed that they had to be fought and destroyed.

When I woke up to this belief I realized that my body is a colony of germs. That germs are not out to get me, THEY ARE ME. I am not separate from germs, I only believe I am separate from them. Once I woke up to this delusion I started to treat germs differently. I started to embrace them as part of me. If they were giving me a hard time I would ask to see what they were trying to tell me.

About this time I read a read a article titled, "Saint Herpes." The author had grown to see herpes not as a menace but as a gift to them. since I had herpes I could see what they were talking about. I realized that herpes was just trying to tell me that I was abusing myself. I would get a flair up when I was highly stressed or eating foods that were not really good for me. The herpes was a little warning flag that I needed to take better care of myself.

Once I embraced the 'disease' of herpes I got a grip on it. I was no longer a victim of herpes, I was a receiver of the 'gift' of herpes. The herpes virus is now part of the colony of organisms that make of what I call me or my body. I am grateful for the herpes. Without it I probably would have continued abusing myself until I actually destroyed my body.

Whenever I have a 'disease' in my body or mind I recognize it now as a wake up call to take better care of myself. I can not love another if I can't at least love myself.

I can picture a child in a classroom who, for some reason, feels separate from the rest of the class. Because he does not feel part of the class he does not mind disrupting class and becoming a nuisance. But if that child is made to feel a part of the whole, a part of the class, then they would want to see the class work. When the child is shown that the class is there to benefit him then he would not want to disrupt it.

If it works for children why would it not work for the cells of our body?

Awake, awake, stand up, O Jerusalem. (Isaiah 51:17)

When I see how asleep people I want to wake them up. I hear this quote from the Bible in my mind and wants to be an alarm clock. I want to wake people up from their slumber as I was awaken from my sleep. I was living in the dark cave of my mind and I woke up to see the beautiful day outside of my mind.

Waking people up means we upset their slumber, we upset them, we piss them off, we anger them. They, of course, do not want to be upset or pissed off, but they react like that because they are asleep to the fact that it is their reactions that cause them to experience the anger. As long as we still believe that others can upset us or make us happy then we are asleep.

I, therefore, had to come to peace with the fact that what I said would stimulate people to get angry. I did not want them to get too angry so as to hurt themselves or others, but just angry enough. I would remember how the Prophets, Jesus, other mystics and some of the Saints would really anger people. It goes with the job of loving people.

I do not like alarm clocks. NO, I HATE alarm clocks. But when I think I need to wake up early in the morning I will set one to wake me up. Such a rude awaking. But I did it to myself. And when I would get angry at somebody for saying something to me then I would wake myself up, I would upset my slumber with anger. They did not do it to me, I did it to myself.

The whole world will tell me that I am crazy for thinking that I am responsible for my behavior. Yea, I know, that when I word it that way they will not say that. But then they tell me that I am responsible for other people's reactions to what I say.

I thought of myself as kind of an alarm clock for people. I spoke my truth and they choose to react to it in whatever manor they want or need to. It hurts to see people angry and is sometimes frightening to see that anger directed at me. But as long as I can continue to care about others I will be that alarm clock.

I was very confrontational at this time. I just want to bring forth another perspective.

I was raised in human culture and in this culture we learn to seek power through intimidation and domination. I learned well. I became an intimidator and dominator. An intimidator is on who induces fear or sense of inferiority into another. I am guilty. Waking up to my oneness with all beings has not eradicated that tendency out of me. I recognize that this behavior is not something I want to continue, it is only my habit.

I am aware of my tendencies to intimidate, dominate, control and manipulate people. This is my habit. I did this out of fear and a desire for power and control. I did this out of a sense of insecurity and unconsciousness. Sometimes I did this in a playful manner because I did not care about those people who I was intimidating. I did not feel the pain that they were going through.

When I became aware of what I was doing it hurt. It still hurts when I realize that I am intimidating or dominating people. I do not do it now intentionally, just out of habit.

This is why I want others to challenge and question me. If I am doing something that seems like it is intended to intimidate or dominate then I want people to challenge me on it. I am not afraid of the truth of my habits or unconsciousness. I recognize that is part of being human. But I want to transcend that ignorance. I want to become fully aware of my intentions.

I am sure that Siddhartha felt the same way. And if Jesus had become more mature I am sure that he would have felt the same way.

I also recognize that just my nature, maybe it will be my confidence or maybe it will be my clarity, I do not know what, but something may intimidate people. That is natural when you are around insecure people. But I do not want my unconscious desires to motivate me to intimidate or dominate others.

Clarity is the skill that enables people to see what is real and what is not real. I had found that my clarity was second to none. No brag, just fact. I have yet to find somebody who has more clarity than I do. I would love to find more people with the level of clarity that I have. I do not know why this is so but it does seem that way. So I felt motivated to go forth and make this clarity available to others.

I noticed that my clarity was only there when I was alone and away from people. When I got around people or in conversation I would start to lose that clarity. I would react to what people said and this would disturb my clarity. I realized I had to come off the proverbial mountain top and back down into the city to be around people and develop the skill of listening to the 'still quite voice' within while in conversation. I had to learn to relax around people and words. So I thought, what better place to do this then with various gurus and teachers.

The practice is called spiritual bantering according to the Zen tradition. It is an old custom. Teachers would travel about and challenge each other to see whose wit or clarity was better. It is a skill building exercise and I love it. I also want to encourage others to do this with me. For nobody loses and everybody wins.

I have found many gurus, teachers and institutions that could talk a good line, but they were mostly busy with their business of being gurus and teachers to care about anyone. The gurus seemed to be in the business of having students or disciples, they did not seem to be in the business of actually helping people graduate from needing them. I found the same to be true of religious institutions. I have yet to find even one church or religious institution that will tell me how to graduated from their institution. I have yet to find one institution or teacher who knows how to graduate. I see academic schools with a program on how to graduate with a certain education, but I have never heard of a church, guru or religious institution with such a program.

One of the standards I use to judge a teacher's clarity is their level of truth. Truth is a liberating thing so when they talk about things that are limiting as if they were real I know they are not awake. I sometimes talk about things as if their limits were real and I wish somebody would wake me so I do unto others as I want done unto me. This process of challenging or examining teachers, scriptures, books or anybody for the level of clarity is a skill building exercise. It help everybody and hurts nobody. It builds your skills of the courage to be honest. It builds your skills of clarity and it awakens others when they have fallen asleep.

I see evangelist with their Bibles under their arms but I have yet to see one that has found the Kingdom of Heaven. They carry the their text book, the Bible, their whole lives but never graduated. What is wrong with them?

In the Bible, Jeremiah 31:31 I read: ^"Behold, the days come, saith the LORD, that I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel, and with the house of Judah: Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD: But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

This tells me that there is a way to graduate from the Bible, to graduate from religion, but I have yet to find even one person who has found that way. Not one.

So this has always bugged me. These teachers, gurus, clergy members, churches and other institutions do not have any way to actually graduate from them. They are only systems to reinforce the dependence upon themselves. They are only business in to make a profit and nothing else. It all seems to be about money.

They are like the pharmaceutical companies that find a drug that will cure a disease but instead of making that available to the public they create a drug that will only abate the symptoms of the disease but require that they user buy their drug forever to keep the symptoms away.

This is criminal in my opinion. This hurts.

So I wanted to question teachers to find out of they were for real or if they were just in the business of guru-ship. Therefore, part of my journey was to travel around and visit so called teachers. I liked doing this and was always on the look out for new ways of presenting the material. I also was on the look out for charlatans and false teachers.

To me a false teacher is one that teaches lies that limit or one that only teaches the doctrine and has not understood it. If they really understood what the spirit was all about then they would enjoy a good challenge. If they did not understand or know the spirit then they would get upset at a good challenge.

There are lots of charlatans and false teachers out there who are only in "spirituality" or religion for the money, power and prestige.

I remember three different teachers that had three different outcomes. The first two teachers were from the same lineage or had the same Indian guru. One was a young guy who sounded pretty good but his language indicated that he only read and memorized the teachings of his guru. He seemed in it for the money and prestige and did not really seem to care about his students. A couple of friends of mine had been going to this guru guy for several month and asked me to come with them to see what I thought. I went twice, the first time not saying anything just listening. But the second time, after he had been talking about having the integrity and courage to examine our thoughts and ways of thinking, I asked him if he would demonstrate this integrity and courage as I showed him some of his false teachings. He was so outraged that he got up, started to leave and said that if I did not leave he would call the police. After he left I just sat there and watched as the audience debated what had happened. The devotees just defended their guru while the open minded majority thought I had a very good question. This guy never came back to Boulder again after that.

The second teacher was a woman who had the same guru as the guy above. I listened to her for several days before challenging her to quit relying on her gurus heritage or lineage for her authority. I thought she had what it takes to be her own teacher without having some man behind her (her guru's picture was always to her side.) I could not remember her guru's name so I just called him the little fat boy. That pissed her off royal, showing her attachment to the form of the guru. As soon as I did some of her devotees forcefully took me out of the hall. To this teachers credit before I was all the way out of the building I heard her laugh and say over the PA system that I was right and I caught her. Other people told me later that she went on to appreciate what I had done for her. Today, I am told, she does not have a picture of anyone up behind her and she is doing very good work.

The third teacher I remember was in Sedona, Arizona. He had a small group and was very unconventional, but his message was pretty clear. I listened for some time before I caught an inaccuracy and questioned him on it. His students seemed pretty devoted to him and immediately indicated that I should not ask such questions, but the teacher stopped them and said that I was right and how much he appreciated my showing him what I had. There was no hesitation in this guy to being challenged. Quite the contrary, he went on to talk about how all good teachers want to be constantly purified by challenges from students.

A good teacher knows that we all go to sleep and we want to be awakened before we do some harm to ourselves or others. A good teacher wants to be challenged. A bad teacher wants to shut people up; he or she wants them to believe and obey.

A real teacher would say to question everything, believe nothing and obey nobody; be curious.

A false teacher is one who teaches that we are limited or that things are impossible. If the teacher indicates that we are trapped or limited they are the blind leading the blind.

Truth liberates, so that which does not indicate freedom is not of the truth. So a true teacher teaches that you can be perfectly free and nothing is impossible to you.

I noticed that conservative people have a lot of fear about them and often preach their fear. I would think of it as a conservative snow skier who would only ski the easy runs because they did not have faith in their ability to ski more challenging runs. Conservatives do no have faith in themselves or their God. They hold back or conserve themselves and their resources.

This seems to be a product of their narrow mindedness or limited awareness. Most conservatives are not broadly or liberally educated so their awareness is limited. What we do not know about we tend to fear, so fearfulness is a natural trait of uneducated or undereducated people like conservatives. Because of their narrow mindedness they do not look into the futures, or if they do they see only darkness and suffering. This limits their ability to have a clear vision of the future. If a conservative does have a vision for the future it is usually only a repeat of the past; they want to revert to the past glories.

Their lack of understanding leads them to seeing very little as good in this world. Their philosophies and theologies reinforce this attitude of ugliness toward humanity. They see humanity as fundamentally evil, bad or ugly and something that needs to be very controlled.

This is a good sign that they do not have clarity and the truth that comes with clarity. The truth liberates but conservatives want to control. Conservatives are therefore very much in the dark.

Jesus was a liberal, an ultraliberal (at least in his time). His way was ultraliberalism. If Jesus was Christ then liberalism is the way of Christ. Therefore, conservatism is the way of the Anti-Christ. Jesus' apostles, disciples and followers were all conservative compared to Jesus. Naturally their religion, Christianity, would move away from the rock foundation of liberalism that Jesus taught and toward a more conservative ideology.

The conservatives focus in on Jesus' death. The liberals focus in on Jesus' way, his truth and his LIFE, not on his death. Conservatives are about death. Liberals are about life. The ultraconservative regime in Afghanistan , the Taliban is about death. The conservative or religious people, those who serve the darkness, want to go toward a more Taliban type of society. The liberal, more mystical or spiritual people, who serve the light, want to go more toward a society of people like Jesus.

Liberals, like Jesus, teach that we should love God, not fear God. Conservatives teach that we should fear God. Does it take a genius to see that humanity really would rather be free from the fear of conservatism? Can not people see that they do not want to live in fear?

Today you can see that the more conservative a Christian theology is the farther away from Jesus' teachings it is. That is why Dark South of the US is so conservative Christian. That is also why Christians today hate Jesus in all but name. They honor him with their mouths but their hearts (and lives) are far from him. Jesus' way, truth and lifestyle are as far from the Christian way as possible. The more conservative the farther aware from his lifestyle they are. If a person where to be like Jesus in the presents of the conservative Christians they would hate that person with all their hearts.

The religious conservatives of the world, Jewish, Christian and Islamic all want return to a theocracy where religious leaders rule the world. This would not be a true state by divine guidance, but a state run by the faithless religious authorities where questioning and challenging of their doctrine would not be allowed.

If a society was truly run by divine guidance then every person would be encouraged to know God and listen to His direction and not the direction of worldly leaders. We wold all be equals in this world as we are in the eyes of God.

To be conservative means to resist change. But it is also noted that the members of any species that is able to adapt the quickest to any change in their environment are the one that survive. Those who could not adapt or change are those who perished. Conservatives are those dinosaurs that could not change or adapt to what the world demands today. They are a growing but dying breed. Although their numbers are growing now they will eventually destroy themselves is their resistance to change. They are the ones that will resist by going to war and it is this war that will destroy them.

In the bell curve of consciousness the conservative is on the trailing edge while the real liberal is on the leading edge. We can see this in the ultraconservative regime in Afghanistan, the Taliban, and how primitive, backward and dark they were. On the ultraliberal side we have people like Jesus, Siddhartha and the like who are leading the way for the rest of humanity. The conservatives are those who are holding back humanity from evolving faster and becoming more light filled beings. Conservatives are the ones who are resisting the change, the evolution and the growth in love and light.

Conservatives can not look at subjects deeply because their emotions are so easily agitated. With their 'diseased' mind there is no clarity. without clarity they can not perceive the truth that will set them free. So they are intellectually very shallow.

It took me MANY years and much suffering before I got a grip on my diet. Before, my diet had a grip on me.

I had tried a vegetarian diet but that seemed lacking. I tried a macrobiotic but that was too cooked. I tried many different types of diets and all seemed lacking. I noticed that when it got colder in the fall I would almost always get sick. I was skinny. I had no meat on my bones. I no longer had an interest in meat and the standard American diet. I was mystified.

I learned about food combining. I learned about protein, which vegetarian diet seemed to lack. I learned about beans, nuts and tofu, all vegetarian. I learned about acidic and alkaline balance in the diet. I learned that cooked foods don't offer as much as raw foods but raw foods are not as good in the winter. I learned to adapt my diet to the weather and my situation. If I was climbing mountains every day I eat heavier foods. If it was hot and I was just sitting around I would eat real light.

I learned that if I had cravings my diet was probably missing something. I needed to listen to my body more. I learned to not be so strict with my diet, but to lean in a direction of non processed, lighter and organic foods. I learned that sugar is not on my side. I learned that if the FDA could, it would outlaw sugar, but that the American people would never allow that. I learned that sugar destroys the immune system. I learned to see sugar as evil. Later, I learned that so see anything as evil was to become evil, so I ate some sugar, but just a little.

I read about a FDA research project on the depletion of nutrients in the foods. They started in 1945 and I remember the numbers from spinach. In 1945 a cup of chopped spinach had 156 milligrams of iron in it. Twenty years later, in 1965, a cup of spinach had only TWENTY (20) milligrams of iron (down from 156). And in 1985, the last year of the study, commercially grown spinach had only 2 milligrams of iron in it. This was enough to convince me that I was not getting my nutrients from commercially grown foods.

I learned that a little fresh lemon in my water (pure spring water) would alkalize my body. I learned that LOTS of water will drown you but almost a gallon a day will flush out the toxins in your body and hydrate you. I try for three to four liters a day. (Liters, not quarts. Liters are international, quarts are American. I am a citizen of the world now. The effect of the expanded consciousness. I hike kilometers, not miles. I climb mountains that are over 14,000 feet, not 4,200 meters. Oops. Ok, so I am part American.)

Anyway, I learned a lot about diet and adapted what I learned to me and my situation. I wish that taught this stuff in school, but they only teach us how to read and write. Ok, so maybe I did not learn how to write very good. Hell, I am only a college graduate.

I am eating an organic Fuji apple as I write this. Maybe that is why it is so funny.

I like to think that I only eat food fit that is for divine consumption. This is food that is in its most natural state, organic and not processed. This is for the way God wanted it to be. I see those who eat the other type of food, the standard American diet, who are about as far from 'divine' as a person can get. It is my opinion that is why America has moved so far away from being a conscious and love nation, because our diet is so pitiful.

I had tried to give talks or classes and that seemed to work ok. This seemed lacking. I wanted to react out to the common people. I wanted to go to the people and not have the people come to me.

I had the image of Siddhartha and Jesus reaching out to common people when they traveled around speaking in public places. Or they would go to the temples and speak there. But in America we do not have open temples where anybody can go and speak.

In America there are no forums where the common people can talk to one another. All of our communication is top down, not peer to peer. We seem to have become a nation isolated from itself. Back at this time there was no internet so there was no real way to reach out to my neighbors or the public at large without the approval of the ruling classes.

I did have visions in my mind of traveling around a speak to people, but I did not know how to do it or have the courage to do it. I remember seeing a movie about Malcolm X where he would go to places where the type of people he wanted to reach were. He would stand up on a ladder and preach to these people and then hand out literature and invite them to meetings.

This inspired me but I still did not have the courage to do it. Until one beautiful summer day in 1993.